This Has Been Bad For Me

Breaking The Law

2006-09-19T20:47:00.000Z

I live at 52.6249°, 1.2823°.

My PIN number is 2358.

One of my computer passwords is c4mford12.

I'm trusting you to behave.

Blogging From My Living Room

2006-09-15T14:28:00.000Z

Weird!

I've never blogged in this room before. Or at least I don't remember if I have. And I don't remember very much usually.

So this is quite good. Using a laptop and all that. I even get to watch good TV. No wait, that's not right. What I mean is that I get to watch more TV. They call it freeview and it's a bit rubbish. But you get all Channel4 channels free so thats good. I'm trusting E4 to be showing friends...

Dammit, this isn't Friends it's The OC. Maybe that other channel is playing it. Smallville? Well it could be worse.

Anyway, let me talk to you about karma.

Hang on, I'm goig to walk the dog first... Okay done.

So karma, I recently discovered that I believe in that nonsense. Weird, huh? Well maybe I don't really believe in it, but it's helpful to pretend that it exists. You even start to feel it.

And I don't know what else to say.

Dude, It's Alright!

2006-09-08T11:38:00.000Z

Stop panicking. Panicing... jesus, how do you spell that? It is panicking isn't it? Yeah

Anyway, stop panicking! Because I got my password back. I also found that only 3 months of my posts were deleted.

And here's the cool bit.

Queen Jo, pictured here without her permission but wearing her happy queen crown,

Just happened to have all of those posts, plus 5 more, saved as a text document.

And I've got my template lying around somewhere, so everything will actually be okay.

Oh Yeah...

2006-06-28T19:47:00.000Z

Also, did you know Angel Wing Clams glow in the dark when underwater but no one knows why?

I didn't know that but now I do. I don't even know if it's true.

Angel Wing Clams

2006-06-28T19:30:00.000Z

I want a noise maker for my bedroom.

Apparently they're very theraputic. Calm and relaxing, not that I need it. Most people like rainforest or... Wait... Have I written this all before? Seriously, I remember writing this. It's not lik deja vu, I remember telling this story! Have I run out of stories? Should I tell it again? I'm going to tell it again.

Yeah, so anyway, I want a bedroom noise maker that sounds like traffic in the distance. Maybe a few other suburban sounds. Cats fighting, car alarms, badgers doing whatever they're doing, maybe the odd owl or night bus. It would be cool.

So... DIG!

You guys heard of that film? Because if you haven't... MAN! You should! It's actually essential to everyones DVD collection. I don't even care if you don't like Rock and Roll! Seriously. Search hard, go and buy Dig! I don't like to order people around... But that was an order.

Sometimes, and only sometimes, the internet gives me something that I can happily waste over an hour on and not think "dammit, I wasted over an hour on that crap." And it did the same thing just the other day. I was surfing the proverbial web with my proverbial surfboard when I found ZWOK. I don't know what that stands for but I doubt it's important anyway.

But yeah... It's like worms but simpler and it's over the internet. So, um, hurray for that! I might go on it right now. If you're ever on it, look for me! I look so amusing and cute. I named myself Hamish.

That is all.

Buy Dig!

Snapshots From The Compound Mind

2006-06-26T18:29:00.000Z

Woah... where the hell did that title come from?

Anyway, I barely write anything write right now because I'm messing around with music with my legally obtained copy of Reason 3. But I'm going to get back into this because it's fun. So I took photos of stuff in my bedroom. Some are interestings, others are not. Come along for the ride.

This pen once belonged to Roger Whats-his-name from Less Than Jake. Now I own it but I don't use it because I've got a better one.

Here is a jar of change. There are lots of coins in it and also a zip tag, a sim card and a small 1cm square sheet of metal. There's also a 2 pound coin dated 1988. Work that out!

Here's the crossword from the Eastern Daily Press. It's dated last thursday. I didn't do the crossword although someone else filled in the words "book" and "lions".

This is a small stone I got from Cromer beach. I later coloured it in with a pencil and it turned silver instead of grey which I thought was cool.

Here is a hat on a white acoustic guitar. It once belonged to that skinny guy from Fall Out Boy but now I own it. I don't use it though because I've got a better one.

Toy dinosaur. I've got a tonne of dinosaur stuff... But I didn't buy any of it. Yeah, my friends are hilarious.

Here's a book of tickets to London via train. We were going to watch Katie Skilling but actually had to leave early. Never mind.

This is a loyalty card for Finnies Juice Bar. If ever you come to Norwich, call me, I'll show you Finnies Juice Bar. You'll never buy a nicer drink.

This is a photoframe of eeyore with a butterfly pin in its ear. The context is interesting but I'd rather not go in to it. It has always been empty but it has always been on display. No one wants their photo taken anymore.

That'll do won't it?

...What?

2006-06-22T12:03:00.000Z

So I haven't written in like... *counts* 6 days.

Actually, that's not very long. I thought it was a week or more. But no, six days in fine. That's a healthy amount of time. Especially if you're as busy as I am. I'm always busy... with like... y'know, stuff.

No way! I spent like 1 pound on a chapstick the other day because I'd lost my old one and now I just found it under my desk. That sucks. Do you know what I could have bought with 1 pound? I could have bought this plate. (It's made from bone or something.) And I could have bought this signed photo of Julian McMahon. (He's from TV or something.)

Never mind. At least I wont run out of chapstick, right? I'm addicted to the stuff, I swear it. Mine smells of vanilla. Except everyone says it smells like vanilla ice cream and I'm like... "Oh my god, you IDIOT." Then I give them a really condescending look.

So... I heard that North America is on fire again. I'm slightly surprised that you guys don't flame proof your forests. Like maybe after the first few times it happened. Or at least move the forests to somewhere less hot and then put everything else in the hot parts. And how come it's always forests that get burnt? Are you telling me that Creek Canyon is really more flamable than Las Vegas?

Pants!

2006-06-18T18:13:00.000Z

Does having lucky underwear make me superstitious?

Tall Boy

2006-06-16T17:47:00.000Z

Check it out:

That's the only way to drink the worlds worst beer.

Trans Canada Highway

2006-06-16T17:43:00.000Z

Hello children.

Let's play a game of spot the difference

Can't figure it out?

I really just wanted to show off my new CD. Wicked or what? Yeah!

The Volcano Near My Town Erupted

2006-06-15T10:46:00.000Z

No, really, it did.

Or maybe I dreamt this? Actually I did dream it. And not just once. While making breakfast this morning I realised that throughout this week I've had a reoccuring dream of a lava flow running through my commune. Probably something to do with the heat, but I'll analyse it all properly later. In fact, I'll do it now, while I'm writing. Well, as you'd imagine, lava signifies built up anger, like a metaphore. The lava being your anger and the volcano being you. The fact that it's erupted means that it's come out violently.

The thing is, it didn't seem to cause any trouble. It was like, last night was the 3rd time it happened and I rememeber it very well. Everyone was calm and I was aware that I could walk on it, even though it was warm. It was a sunny day, even though we were inside when it started to flow (through the house.) No one seemed to mind, which means that my anger didn't affect anyone.

What's really interesting is what started the lava flow. It wasn't a volcano, it was a newspaper. It was burning on a table in a room full of people. It was actually my friend Rob's house. The newspaper was spread all over the table and one bit started to burn. I tried to put it out by putting more newspaper over it but it all just burnt. Newspaper can mean one of two things. One being that I want to express myself more. The other being a desire to solve a problem. The fact that it was burning doesn't meant that I wont be able to accomplish these things. Fire usually means passion and all the obvious stuff but it sometimes means new beginning.

Anyway, from this burning newspaper, lava started to flow. You can make your own assumptions.

I should do a conclusion here and explain exactly what my dream may have meant. But I really don't want to because it doesn't sound accurate at all.

However, it did remind me of an idea I had while I was sleeping. It's really cool, it's t-shirts with a special little message on them. Here, I drew one.

Yeeaah, 'I love you' tshirts! Not an amazingly good idea, but the fact that it came to me in a dream might mean that God wants me to make these tee's

Also, when uploading that to photobucket, I found this advert

A 'Yes' Tattoo On His Left Hand

2006-06-13T20:54:00.000Z

I well need your help.

Because I thought of a cool idea but I don't know how to make it. It's a website, which means that it's realistic to make... But like, I don't know how. Maybe some lessons are in order.

I was in bed, right? And I was thinking about stuff, because I was reading and reading always makes me tink about stuff. That's what books are for really, isn't it? But anyway, Oskar Schell said "What's your story?" and it set off a whole chain of ideas in my mind. The guy Oskar was talking to happened to have an amazingly interesting story, although he didn't tell it.

Now I'm fairly sure that no one has had a boring life. Everyone has a story. Things they're proud of, ashamed of. Things they've done and seen and experienced.

I also remember reading a short story by Chuck Palahniuk. It was in his non-fiction work which was actually quite boring but there were a few interesting stories. In this particular one, he explained how everyone secretly wants to tell their story. I wont go in to that because the rest of the story isn't really relevant.

But yeah, here in lies my idea. A place for people to tell their stories. Similar to grouphug but for more than confessions and much more presentable. No long lists of odd writing.

Man, I need some lessons.

It Seems To Me...

2006-06-11T16:56:00.000Z

That I only have trouble writing when I have a lot to think about.

You'd think that if I have a lot on my mind then I'd have a lot to write and my website would be overflowing with heartbreaking emotion and charming wit. But unfortunately, it aint like that. I keep all of my majorly important feelings to myself and churn them up and shine them out as some sort of weak allegory...

...As I'm sure you all noticed.

But now that I've told you this big, big secret, I can't tell you any stories because you'll all analyse it and eat into the subtext and you'll be like "Oh, so you're in love with a zoo-keeper?" Which I'm not. Moreover, I was going to write y'all a story which wasn't allegorical but now you wont believe me so I can't write it.

I could save myself the world of trouble and just not publish any of this. It was, after all, my last vestibule of personal counselling. There no other entrances/exits save from writing a diary. But hell, I need the public response. I suppose I could write a book but I would get criticised for writing in other people's styles. But hey, I can't help it if Safran Foer is a literary god.

I suppose the solution is this. I'll write y'all a story but I'll make it up as I go along, so any relation to my real life will be completely subconscious and I can deny every damn allegation! Or maybe I'll tell you a true story, that way you can't read into the subtext. It's all true.

"Mount Everest, It's all downhill from here."
"What?"
"Never mind," I said. I was looking out of the car window, trying to make up jokes. I had a toy gun in my hand, which made it hard to think of light-hearted jokes, so I started pretending to shoot the other people in the car. They didn't notice what I was doing; I was the only one in the back. I didn't pull the trigger because that made a sound but I aimed it and at their head and made that sound. pshoo

I wasn't angry or violent or sick. I was just bored. We'd been driving for 5 hours in a sort of thick liquid heat and now we had come to a numbing stand still on the gauntlet of the M25. To add insult to injury, the electric windows were soon to die. The only one that worked was the passenger seat one, but even that was stopping and starting at will so we rolled it down and left it down, for all the good it was doing.

16 miles ahead, An old couple towing a caravan had had a side collision with an office slave in rush to get god-knows-where. From what I remember in the free press, The Office Slave lost the use of his legs in the accident, but that's not important. The Collision had sprayed the caravan over three lanes of the M25. Even as we passed there were cups, books, foil wrapped food and blood callously placed between shards of white plastic and metal. They hadn't made much of an attempt to hide the injured either. Perhaps it was because there was only one ambulance. Whatever.

Even after we passed the accident, traffic was still crawling. I'd have read a book if my brain hadn't melted completely. But it had, such is life. So I kept on looking out the window.
"Check it out," I said, "She's going nowhere. Fast."
On the side of the road there was a girl with a backpack trying to hitch a ride to Slough. She was sweating enough to be completely empty on the inside, although her expression told me that she was probably able to cry.
"She looks pretty upset," said our Passenger.
"We could take her to Slough," said our Driver.
"You shouldn't." Said the Passenger.
"You wouldn't if you'd ever watched The Hitcher," I said.
"Fortunately, I haven't. Besides, she's like our age and she's a girl." Said the Driver.
"...We're nearly in Slough." I said, slightly annoyed at his apparent ambivilence to this possible danger.
"Exactly."

Arugment was redundant. We picked up the girl. Her hair was messy and sun streaked, she'd obviously been outside a lot. Her skin was more tanned than ours but she was very burnt on her neck and shoulders. I'm not surprised. I can't say I was all too surprised by her weirdness either. She wasn't crazy or anything, but she spoke about some weird things. Maybe she was autistic.

"So... Slough. That's where they filmed The Office." A useful comment from our Driver.

"So you guys saw the accident?" She said
I replied "We were stuck behind it for ages."
"Do you think anyone died?"
"I don't think so; there was only one ambulance."
"Dead people don't need ambulances. You know, most highway collisions result in instant death. Usually the head is completely smashed."
"Ha," our Driver gave a nervous laugh "we picked up a weird one." And to my relief she smiled instead of going crazy and cutting our heads off.
"Sorry... But it's weird isn't it."
"Yeah."
"Like, do you believe in God?" She asked
"I do," replied our front passenger.
"I don't. But I don't think there was any way that caravan couple were going to get up this morning and not get smashed in to."
"You mean like fate?"
"No. But if you think about it, everything in the world in governed by physical laws. Everything follows these laws. Everything, even you guys and this car and the road and all the other cars on it. We're not an acceptation to these laws. So it's not really fate, more like basic physical laws governing everything that has and will ever happen."
"Right."
"Right, so do you get me? Even you as a person, you don't have any free will." She looked at me. "Like what you're wearing. What made you pick out those shoes and that shirt?"
"I just... wanted to. It was my choice."
"See, I don't think so. I think that if your brain obeys the physical laws then every chemical reaction in your brain is a reaction to something else. It's like... There was the big bang, and then from then every particle was playing out exactly what it has to do acording to the laws of physics. So that means murderers, artists, writers and junkies, none of them can really be held accountable for their actions. Because they didn't make them."
"And there's no solution?"
"Yeah. " She said.
"Oh really?" I said. "What is it?"
"Well," she took the plastic gun from next to me. "Your brain can only be subject to the laws of physics if it's alive."

She pointed the gun at me, and made the sound.

I found it really interesting, but I don't know what the other guys thought of her. We dropped her off at a service station the closest to Slough as we were going. While we in the service station I asked. "What were you doing on the motorway anyway? And how come you're coming here?"
"I'm a run-away. I'm not so much going to Slough, it just happens to be a nice enough distance from where I came from."
I laughed, I don't remember if it was nervous laughter or not. "...and about being on the motorway?"
"Well it started off; I was looking for an answer. I used to be a Christian but then I got smart. I kept thinking, 'There's got to be a way. I can't just be a chemical reaction'. Stuff like that. So I left my Catholic school in Basildon, you know Basildon? And I'm going to Oxford to live with my sister. Hopefully get into a good uni, study philosophy. Find my answer, with any luck."
"Oxford? What changed your plans? We're not really anywhere near there."
"The accident on the motorway. It was like... What the hell was the point of their lives if they were going to die anyway? What kind of messed up chemical reaction is that?"
"Well, you could be wrong."
"Haha, yeah but I could be right."
"Well... Don't you want to find out?"
"Now I'm too afraid to prove myself right."
"So, you know people here in Slough then?"
"...Yeah. Hey, your friends are waiting."
"Right, well. Good luck. See ya."

I went back to the car and said, "She was really strange."

We only saw her one other time. She was in the news paper 6 days later. She shot herself. It also said she left a note to her sister. We told the police that she got a ride with us shortly before she died, they had some questions for us but they didn't try to blame us for it like I imagined they would. And that was that... She decided to take herself out of the equation, she didn't even know if it was true of not. It struck me as weird. I don't agree with what she said. Also, I took the plastic gun out of the car.

Saint Hamish

2006-06-07T12:01:00.000Z

The Democratic Republic of Saint Hamish, to be exact.

That's the name of my new nation. It's also the name of my alter ego, Saint Hamish. I also have an alter ego named Hamish Of Suburbia. This came about from listening to a lot of American Idiot. Anyway, this is all beside the point.

Here is Saint Hamish.

As you can see, it is a Scandinavian Liberal Paradise. Now I get the paradise part. That's good, everone wants to live in paradise. And I get the liberal part, that's good, I'm a liberal. But what is so damn Scandinavian about my dear Nation? I don't know much about it apart from it's location and it's Gothic history. I don't mind though, I hear Sweden is a very nice country.

Now... Moving on. Political Freedoms. As you can see, I like my political freedoms like I like my coffee. Below Average. And damn right too. I run the politics there so It's MY way or else. Don't get me wrong, this is no dictatorship. As you can see, I like my civil right like I like my rock and roll. Excellent. People are free in my nation. In fact, I'm not really bothered what they do. The economy is a problem. As you can see, I like my economy like I like my women... Developing.

Okay, I know that was the wrong time for a paedophilia joke. I'm sorry. I take it back.

The biggest problem right now is that my nation is racist. I didn't mean it to be this way... But it happened. I think this will change now I've opened up my borders to all immigrant. No one can safely be racist when outnumber by people of different races... Oh yeah, and there some protests about the uranium mining. But hey, I needed the money.

Thank you, that is all.

A Collection Of Useless Equipment

2006-06-06T17:15:00.000Z

Okay, so I have no working audio stuff

I just wanted to record a song for Hagakure and everything went very wrong. In that I had no stuff. I don't even have my own guitar right now. I have a keyboard, sure. And I have a microphone but the lead doesn't work. I don't have any sort of drum sequencer right now so I'm using a demo version of something, but I should have redrum soon.

All I really need to do is get a working XLR lead. That's all! And I tried to do that today but ended up getting an adapter that didn't fit anything I own.

Also, I've lost my phone. This is where I keep my quick notes. This is why I don't have a clue what to write about. Inspiration doesn't come from sitting in front of a computer.

Hey have you guys heard of Ransomware? It's a new virus which takes all the files from your computer and leaves a text document for instructions on how to get them back. You have to pay for drugs for an online pharmacy. It's a pretty clever idea.

Really, I'm nothing without my quick notes.

New Housemate

2006-06-03T18:35:00.000Z

What's this then?

It appears to be a blackbird, in my house.

I found him this morning, he was flying at the windows in the same way wasps do. I named him Guy and let him stay in the house for a little while but the dog didn't seem to approve, so I opened all the windows and hoped that he'd get the hint.

He fell down the chimney. He fell. These guys are meant to be able to fly. However, I wont hold it against him.

The Book

2006-06-01T19:37:00.000Z

Like a lot of people, I'm addicted to confession sites.

But until today I wasn't really happy with any of them. Post Secret is usually too extreme or too unrevealing. You know... like "I hurt him and I'd do it again." I leaves you feeling like, 'what?' And grouphug? It's full of people who complain to much and also has a few really weird/funny things of there like "I ate my dog and then my neighbours dog and then my neighbour." It leaves you feeling like, 'what?'

So today I found Not Proud. Apparently it's old school. I read through it and was amazed by the pure liquid humanity that flows from it. Just reading through the Lust Confessions page I thought to myself, "This should be the new Bible. This is life as it is now. Read it and make your own choices on how to live your life."

Would that be a bit off? The New Bible being pages of people brutaly honest confessions and deepest secrets. Stuff you wouldn't tell your husband or wife. The darkest essense of your being written down for future generations to learn about so they can either follow or learn from your mistakes? It sounds like a good idea to me.

Check out the religious tones creeping into my blog!

Unphathomable Proportions

2006-05-31T21:54:00.000Z

4 posts in one day! All real stuff too. This one is under the influence of 3 or 4 pints of Fosters. The real Australian beer (brewed in the UK). It sort of gone to my head but not entirely.

Here, I wrote you all a short play.

Eight: Hey man
Blue: Alright? How's things. Watcha doing?
Eight: Not much, just looking at home made porn videos.
Blue: Home made? Where did you get that from?
Eight: It's all on the internet bro, it's all on the internet.
Blue: You're not going to jack off while I'm here are you?
Eight: No.
Blue: That's cool. So I've been thinking, Have you ever wondered about 9 year olds?
Eight: How so?
Blue: You know, in like the way that they think of stuff that no one else does. Like singing kettles and all that stuff.
Eight: No man, I never thought of that. But hell, everyone has to invent something.
Blue: Blue what's your favourite invention?
Eight: Probably the pin sculpture thing. You know, where you put your hand into like a load of blunt pins and it comes out the other side in the shape of your hand? I always wanted one of those.
Blue: I've got one of those.
Eight: Yeah? What's in it?
Blue: My ex-girlfriends hand print.
Eight: Oh yeah? Why don't you get rid of it?
Blue: That's all I've got left of her. Just a hand print. I thought about tipping it over the other day and losing the print, It brought me close to tears
Eight: You miss her then?
Blue: More than anything, I wish I could go back and put things right. Or at least be able to tell her how I feel.
Eight: We've all got to live with our mistakes... But we've all got the power to put it right.
Blue: I don't even know what's going on anymore!
Eight: It's because you lost track of what you really wanted.
Blue: It's impossible to be philosophical or intelligent when you're drunk.
Eight: You're right, let's not every try. Hey, did you read Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer?
Blue: Yeah man, I enjoyed all of it. It's the most important book about love I ever read. Beautiful, sad, perfect and funny. I envy Foer's ability.
Eight: I think he over-did the modernistic techniques. Time shifts, faniciful history, modern references and shit like that.
Blue: Did you read the hard back?
Eight: No, paper back.
Blue: He used the the book at a concept in itself, using drawings and other new techniques. I can't explain it because i'm drunk.
Eight: I understand.
Blue: So... Do you want to go to bed?
Eight: Together or seperately.
Blue: Seperatly.
Eight: Then yes.
Blue: Okay goodnight.

Fin.

What do you think?

Check My Rep

2006-05-31T16:52:00.000Z

Check out my keyword analysis from the last 2 or 3 days. Just to recap, Carol Cappas was a baseball players wife who was murdered and raped by Robin Gecht. Eddie Izzard is a transvestite comedian. Bryan Singer is a directer whole stole my idea and appears to be linked with rape and christianity. Scene Kids are an important (within themselves) yet increasingly annoying and sickening social group and woman seriel killers are exactly as you'd imagine.

Is this what you come to my blog for!?

I sure hope so!

Anyway, back to faith over reason. I recently heard of Patrick Henry College. It's basically a Christian college of home schooled children who are ~~hell~~heaven-bend on taking over the US Government and making it entirely Christian. What is most concerning to me, is that they are doing really rather well.

Now there are upsides and downsides of the worlds biggest superpower being a mass of Christians. Naturally, everyone will be very kind an good natured to other people. You will be forgiven of your sins if you ask and if you don't believe in God then your mind is the property of the devil, which sounds quite cool, so long as it's not true. (Which it isn't) But then there are other things... For example, in the Bible it is stated that homosexuality is a sin. You can see how problems will arise. It also said in the Bible that snail trails are made because snails melt as they slide along... Okay so I'm probably taking it too far and perhaps a little bit out of context. No matter how Christian they are, there is no way they're going to change the education system to teach kids stuff like that.

But therein lies the problem. The Bible (or at least what I have read of it) says a lot of odd things that we know now to be pretty untrue. It's not a matter of faith, it's a matter of these things weren't understood back then. But now they are.

The coined phrase is Gods Next Army... yes army.

I have a few problems with Christianity... I don't have problems with Christians because it's like, a choice, y'know? Who am I to say you can't do it. But if I had to choose... Choose my favourite type of Christian... I'd choose the ones who take the words of the Bible in moderation and understand that civilisation and science has developed a lot in 2000 years. Use the Bible as a guide to live a friendly and good life, sure, why not? But here is the statement of faith from the Patrick Henry College website. I won't say which I agree with...

There is one God, eternally existent in three Persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship Him in Spirit and in truth.
Jesus Christ, born of a virgin, is God come in the flesh.
The Bible in its entirety (all 66 books of the Old and New Testaments) is the inspired word of God, inerrant in its original autographs, and the only infallible and sufficient authority for faith and Christian living.
Man is by nature sinful and is inherently in need of salvation, which is exclusively found by faith alone in Jesus Christ and His shed blood.
Christ's death provides substitutionary atonement for our sins.
Personal salvation comes to mankind by grace through faith.
Jesus Christ literally rose bodily from the dead.
Jesus Christ literally will come to earth again in the Second Advent.
Satan exists as a personal, malevolent being who acts as tempter and accuser, for whom Hell, the place of eternal punishment, was prepared, where all who die outside of Christ shall be confined in conscious torment for eternity.

...Because I don't agree with any of it. I don't mean to offend anyone when I say this but you people scare my slightly. In any other environment you people would be considered delusional. Jesus literally rose from the dead? Imagine if that happened a few hundered years ago? We would have burnt him at the stake as punishment for witchcraft. Christianty being very anti-witchcraft and all that.

And don't even get me started on Christmas and Easter...

Okay... I wont carry on. I'm sorry Christianity, I'm sorry Christians. Sorry Mum. Sorry God.

Wake Up, Adam. I've Been Watching You.

2006-05-31T16:05:00.000Z

You know that feeling you get when you're sleeping and suddenly you're aware that you're asleep? I don't usually get it but I remember how it feels. If it ever happens to me, I usually just wait until I have control over my body and then open my eyelids. Naturally, this wakes you up and you're in your bed.

here is a closed eye

But yesterday I was at the bus stop. I can't remember what I was thinking about but I suddenly realised that I was dreaming. I realised that it wasn't actually May, it was December and I've been sleeping. I tried to open my eyes and tried to focus on waking up. But the feeling went... And so I'm suck in may again. Which is a shame, I would have liked it to be December again.

Then I got the bus home and saw an old friend by the new of Wesley. He was dressed to impress with an enormous beard, camo-shorts and a 'Down' tshirt on. He got me thinking about where the hell the river Wensum comes from. It flows through my city and then also my village, 5 miles out. For some reason I had lived my whole life believing that Rivers started at the sea and then flowed somewhere else but then I suddenly realised that this is all very very wrong. So I sought to find out where The Wensum comes from. I failed. I realised that it doesn't really flow from anywhere, it's just part of an intricate network of lakes and rivers that lie like veins all across Norfolk... I should have thought of it before.

And then I got home and found an interesting collection of objects on my unmade bed. I was compelled to take a photo:

On the far left we have Memento Special Edition. Above that is Fight Club on top of Lost In Translation. These 3 films are for Kylie but I keep forgetting to give them to her. The blue material is a pair of jeans, the bottom back of the legs are so worn down that I cut them out and now they flap forward when I walk. The red material is my bed sheet. The scrap of paper is an old psychology note that I used so I could write a telephone number on the back. The far right book is Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer, it is beautiful and good. The red book is Alice's Adventures In Wonderland and Through The Looking Glass by Lewis Caroll, it is haunting. The box on the bottom left is GTA: San Andreas, a fun game but it has for too many controls. Also, the 3 cities are impossibly large. The magazine is a copy of The Big Issue without it's cover. I bought it from the man who told me that we only have Spring for one week. He is either weird or knowledgable.

That is all.

Don't Upset The Industry

2006-05-31T15:50:00.000Z

Good Afternoon,

Today I was talking about the finer points of putting faith before reason. Which, as it seems, is a generally bad idea. I mean, it's fine if you can justify your faith in something. Like how I have faith that if I drink this coffee right now then I'm going to burn my tongue... Ouch, yep. But George Bush going to war because God told him to? I don't buy it.

Anyway, I'm not going to get back into it because I am shellshocked. As an atheist I've never really been disciminated against because of my beliefs. But whilst looking on the internet for peoples arguments for and against religion I found a forum. By the way, nearly all arguments were written by white Christian Americans which reminds me of something else I want to write about. Anyway, yeah, never been dicriminated... until now!!

Weird, huh?

I respected their wishes and didn't enter their discussion. In fact, I didn't even look at it although I meant to because I'm very interested in the War In Heaven. I tried to tell Star something about it once but she didn't buy it. I'll probably write about that too. But I don't know, I guess it's okay to write that kind of thing... But it's not like they would wrote "(No Muslims)" there though is it?

Perverts!

2006-05-28T19:41:00.000Z

Today I found an interesting website. It's about a project called Swarm. It comes in two basic parts The first part is a program, if you want to contibute then you download it for your firefox browser. The secord part is the diagram, which can be found here, it shows the websites that 100s of people who downloaded the program are viewing at that particular time, as well as what websites they move to. I don't really know what the point of the project is, but I know what I learnt.

There's a whole lot of porn out there.

Really, when I first looked at the diagram, there were more porn sites being viewed than any other type of site. Definately over half. Right now, everything is fairly calm. People are content with their Google's and eBays and Myspace's... They seem to be dominating the map right now. But I give it a few hours before they all slip back into their pornographic ways.

But I'm sure that while the lines are clean I can find y'all some interesting if not slightly unusual websites... [10 minutes later] Oh, you know what? There's isn't actually anything. Believe me, I tried to find something very interesting for you but there's just nothing there. I'm sorry. Oh, except one guy is playing Nation States which is just... it's just cool. In fact, I'm going to make a new country right now and this time I'll stick to it and take over that damn website. Man, Nation States is so cool.

Do you just want a link at random? Here's one. I don't know what it is though, I didn't check. It might increase the value of my blog though. Which, by the way, is now about $525 which is quite good. Yep, you best make friends with me before I become a millionaire and forget about the little people.

Okay, That's Enough

2006-05-27T10:48:00.000Z

Here is a head.
More on that later.

You've all gotten used to the new URL. Or if you haven't then you've let the class down, more importantly, you've let yourself down.

Excuse me, I think the kettle had boiled, I will be back in 10 minutes.

Mmmm Noodles and coffee. And you can tell it's early because I put my fork in the coffee and twizled it around a bit. Imagine my disappointment when I couldn't actually pick anything up. But then I snapped back to really so it's okay.

Alright so the man down the street was found the other day. Which is fine, because everyone has got to be found somewhere, right!? But this time is was especially weird because he didn't have a head. In fact, someone had removed it. There's 9085 people in my commune... Well, I suppose 9084 now. But it's odd that there was a psycho among us. Rumour was that the victim and killer were also pretty good friends... That makes you think, doesn't it? Are your friends looking into your eyes when they talk to you? Or are they imagining your pretty little head on a spike in their kitchen.

You can make your own assuptions.

"Rip their heads off and suck their guts out." Sounds pretty sick doesn't it? Maybe it came from an ad for a movie or a violent video game? Nope! Actually it's the tag line for a fruit snack targeted at children. No wonder people will grow up to cut their friends heads off.

But I suppose you can never tell who's crazy. I met a guy once, when I was in college, who jacked off to pictures of people who were in love. Y'know, instead of porn. Albeit, he did prefer if it was lesbians in love so he wasn't all that strange but he still struck me as odd. Does being that different from other people make you crazy? Deviating from the statistical norm. Psychologically, he's be considered abnormal but I don't know what the rule is for crazy people. Is there a whole different statistical norm? You know what I say, each to their own. ~~Boys will be boys~~ psycho's will be psycho's.

I've Gone Corperate

2006-05-19T11:34:00.000Z

Thanks to the kind people at freedomain.co.nr.

Now I have a very easy domain name, instead of that terribly long old one.
www.badforme.co.nr

It's cool because NR is the postcode for Norwich. That's cool, right?

The terms and conditions for keeping are that it's actually used so please update your links and bookmarks. 5 people who really should, because I get many hits from their pages are, Ryudo, Althea, Steve, American and Li. Others include Kylie and Star but I'll see them shortly and ask them face to face, then they can't refuse!

Everything is coming together. Bryan Singer did not anticipate this!

Two By Two.

2006-05-18T19:58:00.000Z

I am going to survive the great flood!

Yeah, the great flood, you guys didn't hear? God's going to flood the word again and only the good will survive! Actually that's not true, it's more to do with the ice caps. I've seen you all melting them!

Yes, the ice caps appear to be melting. Or at least that's what I'm told, I didn't actually do any of my own research. Whether this is caused by God or not is really up to you. I'm leaning more towards the idea that we did it to ourselves. Perhaps in a vague attempt to flood all costal towns. I'm sure you all had your reason, I love costal towns so don't blame me.

Anyway, I'm going to survive it. Want to know how I know? Well that's easy, I clever devised a computer program than used all the data from the public files on antarctica. I then sort of programed them using the geometric data I found at the library to find out which parts of the world would get flooded, and how fast. All this is, of course, a lie. In fact, someone else did that and I used their results.

Here is a picture

The red bit is me. I know, I'm enormous. But look, I just miss the the rising waters. That massive river actually runs through my quaint little village but I doubt it will effect us that much... There's not much around the river anyway. Just a priceless church built in the Norman times and a number of victorian buildings.

You may also notice that there are a fair amount of fields in my part of the world. This is because we cleverly built our cities around the wildlife (so much so that you can't even see the cities from an ariel view) instead of just digging everything up. Are we smart or what?

Singer Speaks

2006-05-16T18:34:00.000Z

So it seems that a certain mister Bryan Singer has "allegedly" a certain problem with something I wrote in a certain blog post a few days ago.

The bottom e-mail is what he "allegedly" wrote to me... the top one is my reply.

---------------------------

From : Adam Tenex
Sent : 16 May 2006 16:31:20
To : Bryan Singer
Subject : RE: You Want Me To Kill Him?

Bryan,

Bring it on man, bring it on! I'll take out you and your Hollywood friends. But I hope you know who's on my side! Allll British actors. Your old friends Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart for a start. They don't need their X-men power to take you out, I'll tell you now. Christian Bale, oh yeah. John Cleese, Simon Pegg... All of those guys, All the big names. I'm serious man, If you give Alan Cummings som nunchucks, he will make you kiss the pavement!

Regards,
Adam Tenex and his army of British Actors.

---------------------------

From : Bryan Singer
Sent : 16 May 2006 13:32:12
To : adam_tenex@hotmail.com
Subject : You Want Me To Kill Him?

Dear Adam,

I just saw your site. So I stole your idea, did I? Well Tenex, bring it. What are you going to do about it? Do you know how much money I'm going to make from Superman Returns? I could buy a big golden hammer and flatten your English ass.

It may be true that I stole your version of the story, but it's too late now! The story is a true one and therefore all the events will be more or less the same in every story. No one cares that I got it from you! You can bring the fight Adam, but I'm a big star with a big house and a big car and I'm friends with Spacey. Spacey has a licence to kill! Remember that.

Bryan.

---------------------------

This is a war!

Aaah! Freedom!

2006-05-16T10:48:00.000Z

Recently, I've been mad at English people for killing William Wallace. Yeah okay it was in 1305 but a part of me still feels it fresh in my mind! But I keep having a go at English people. People like Jody. Really, she's the only one. I happened to talk to me shortly after I watched Braveheart.

I'll forgive you all one day... When we burn down your cities and take back what's ours. One day!

You know those guys in clubs who are idiots? Do you know them? They're really funny. They do this really funny thing that makes me laugh every time. If there's a guy and a girl dancing together, but the Idiot likes the girl, then he'll come up behind her and start dancing to her back as if she's dancing with him too. Even when she's clearly dancing with this other guy. The only thing that can make the situation funnier is if the girl starts dancing with the Idiot and so the other guy starts dancing to the girls back. It's like a tense dancfloor threesome, isn't it?

Oh! Oh! Oh! One more thing! Where can you buy cards that say "Happy 12th Birthday Mum!" I know what you're thinking, you're thinking "No way, Mothers are always older than 12 years." Well not anymore! A young Scottish lass, 11 years old, is pregnant! She smokes 20 cigarettes a day despite being 8 months pregant. It was pretty unlucky for her, she got pregnant after losing her virginity to her 15 year old boyfriend. (Who was later charged with rape, I assume it was a different incident). Pretty irresponsible, I already dislike her. It's not that I dislike the chav attitude (although I do), It's because of what she told the reporters: "I didn't think I'd get pregnant because it was my first time."

Idiot.

Okay, Stop!

2006-05-15T18:02:00.000Z

Which bastard stole my chapstick!?

Edit: Oh it's cool, it was in my pocket.

You Want Me To Kill Him?

2006-05-15T16:31:00.000Z

Hey, remember when I wrote about those two kids who met on the internet one of them managed to insite his own murder through deception and homosexual underage sex? You remember how I wrote about that?

I know, I write about that kind of thing too much, but I really did report on this. And i'll dredge up the link, just to prove it.

Here it is.

I think I remember writing out a whole document for it because the story fascinated me so much. I don't know if that still works though. Okay so anyway, today I was looking through IMDB and found out that Bryan Singer is directing the movie adaptation of the story. I bet he stole my damn draft of it! I bet he did!

You know they say that no one wants to work with Bryan Singer but today I was watching the 20 or so video blogs he made while making Superman Returns and he doesn't seem all that bad. Like a regular pretentious artists but with a dose of hollywood and a bit more fun to be around. And I was thinking, is this how Bryan Singer is actually quite famous? Becuase, I mean how many films has he actually done? The answer is 8. He has directed 8 films but he's so successful.

So yeah, this got me thinking. Maybe the right attitude is the way to go about it all. So I decided that I am now a film director with the hollywood vibe scratching my vein like an injection. I'm going to make films and be pretentious and awesome so that everyone else actually does the work for me. All I really have to go is say like "Hey, kid! What's you're name! You know what? I don't care, I need you to take these pre-vis copies and make them as AWESOME as you can or you're not getting paid."

Simple as. Right?

Edit: turns out that document I wrote makes very little sense. But hey, I wrote it a long time ago! Singer still stole my version.

Go You Big Red Fire Engine!

2006-05-14T19:38:00.000Z

I saw that written on some guys tshirt the other day. By chance, he was outside the fire station.

Anyway, I'd like to complain that no one comments here anymore. What's the deal? Statcounter says I get 19-50 visits a day. That's not bad! It's not good, but it's not bad! so what's the deal? Is it the subject matter? Is it my looks? Oh that's it, isn't it? It's my big ears, isn't it? Well that's just fine!

Okay so I hurt my neck. Do you want to know how? Because if you do, then I'll tell you but if you don't then don't worry, go to another website. Basically, my computer is in front of my right now and my TV is behind me. And because I keep turning my neck to look at both I think I pulled a muscle or like... I dunno. So now I hold my neck while I turn like it I was wearing a sponge collar. Good story huh?

Racism And Whatnot

2006-05-13T16:19:00.000Z

Luke set the tone for a serious blog post with his Zygon whatever-the-hell...

Hey, remember the Ku Klux Klan? Remember those guys? The other day I was just really bored and wondered if they had like, an official website or something. Just for people curious about the current intentions and general goings-on of these so called patriots. Turns out they do, it can be found here, it's generally covered in the whole "we're not so bad" tone that Thom Robb started a few years back.

So if you don't know the story, it's basically like this. Thom Robb is the current leader of the Klan. He gave them a make-over to try and get people to like them. I've said it before and I'll say it again, that's not going to work! The main thing he wanted to get across was this, they don't hate black people, they just really love white people. I'm not so good at making fun of racists cults because i'm just not subtle enough but I highly recommend "Them" By Jon Ronson.

So anyway, everyone hates the Ku Klux Klan, right? Now imagine my delight when I see that they have a forum! It can only end in tears! The Klan stiving so hard not to be racist and not to start any arguments and then the rest of the world being generally angry at them. Anyway, I'd like to share a few of the funniest posts I noticed:

-----------
Subject: KKK ROCKS!!!!

No not really all you kkk people suck. I bet you people are obese and can't stand it when you see a black person winning a gold medal. oh and the kkk should be changed to the kuckoo klutz klan. btw, im white
-----------

Gotta admire his spirit. I especially liked the Kuckoo Klutz Klan comment, that must have hurt!

-----------
Subject: [Poll] Who do you hate most?

Which racial group do you dispise the most on average?
Blacks
Jews
Hispanics
Arabs
Orientals
Indians
Natives
Other (please specify)

Reply: We do not hate anyone we are indifferent to other races
-----------

I'm not sure if I get what's going on here... But the general idea of a poll like this is pretty funny... If funny is the right word.

-----------
Subject: Klan Jam 06

Will anyone be attending Klan Jam 2006?

Klan Jam
Fort Payne, Alabama
June 10, 2006
Dekalb County Courthouse

I am going, for sure, BOK is in the house in this one boys. From what I read and hear they entire BOK is going to be there. That is a lot of people you know.
-----------

Funny enough in it's self. Like a festival for racists... But this next one had me on the floor

-----------
Subject: Tanning?

Does the IKA have a policy on sun tanning for whites? is this acceptable?
-----------

Oh man... I couldn't possibly go through them all. But feel free to check them out for yourself. On a slightly related note, I hope something very bad happens to The Klan... y'know, just for being ignorant and intolerant. I hope they don't mind.

Introductions

2006-05-13T10:33:00.000Z

Hello ya'll.
My name Is Luke and its marvellous to meet you!

Adam's been kind enough to let me post on his blog so I thought to myself that I should actually get round to posting something.
So a few nights ago when my internet decided to stop working I thought i'd start writing something out for this here post, but it ended up turning into an autobiography of a 1 year period of my life.

I could post that here now, but it's more of a book than a blog post. So I won't.

The point of that story was basically my excuse for not writing anything interesting here today.
Instead I'll leave you with my favourite website since February 1st of this year.

http://zygoncenter.org/

Donate generously.

It Is And Always Has Been All About...

2006-05-11T18:43:00.000Z

This blog has been about me. That's not strictly true because usually I don't like writing personal things. But y'know, it's all been personal. It's been my observations, solutions and requests. My life, basically. Would anyone disagree? No?

Okay, so as a continuation of this, I'm going to send out two invitations to my blog. Y'know, just as an expansion of the "my life" thing.

I'm thinking that after I do that, I'll actually write more cool stuff like I used to. In an effort to stand out and attract super-cool super-geeks. Not that I need to... My girlfriend is already a super-geek. She talks to me in binary and other geeky things. But it doesn't matter. I'll out-do her by writing love notes in Braille or something... Y'know, something really dumb. Something that would make you go "Well, that's sweet, but you're a dork"

But yeah anyway. Back to the invitations. I haven't told them I'm going to send them, but if they accept then I'm sure we'll notice it soon enough, right?

Okay, let's see.

Burn The List

2006-05-08T11:24:00.000Z

The list sucks, it was a terrible idea. I don't know why I thought it would help!

If these other people know about the list then it only makes things worse. And yes, it may seem like I'm just checking people off of a piece of paper. That's not how it works but generally my idea sucks.

I don't care!

No one has tried to resolve anything with me, maybe that's the way they like it! Yeah, take that world, we're destined to be enemies. What do you think of that? Cry all you want, world, I'm not changing my mind.

So from now on, I'll fix things like normal people do. The list sucked anyway. Not only was it not real, it contradicted and lead to bad feelings at some place or another.

Stalling!

2006-05-06T13:42:00.000Z

Will my readership complain that my stories always end the same? Because they do! But actually, y'all wont complain because I never tell you anything. Maybe some of you, but not all of you.

I'm stalling, I haven't resolved anything on my list for a few days.

Or maybe it doesn't work like that. Maybe I can't do things all at once! Yeah, that makes sense. Take things in your stride, you can't rush perfection! But there are a few things that I don't want to do because... well. I don't know. If it's resolved then it's resolved, no turning back! Maybe that was the reason that I nver resolved anything in the first place. I'm like my own counsellor. But hey, I shouldn't be so afraid of it. In fact, I'm not. ONWARD! Says I! YES!

I've decided that I'm not going to be a volunteer counsellor for students anymore. This is because students complain too much. Really, I'd just be more of a hinderence than a help. I can see myself analysing them and that everything is all about their absent father and their unrequented love for their mother.

No, that would be no help.

I felt quite shy last night. Or at least some of the time. Well actually it was more of a 30/60 mix. 60 per cent confidence and then 10 per cent indifference. But it was like... I didn't know what to say! Better resolve that.

I Have No Idea

2006-05-03T10:59:00.000Z

So today, the list says I should find Sam. But that is easier said than done, he's one of those illusive artist types. But we do have one single unresolved issue. It's so small too. He thinks I lied this one time so I have to go and put that straight.

But I decided that I probably wouldn't be able to do it in person. This is mainly because he is in London. So what I'm going to do is leave him a message and then go to the beach. Great, huh?

So yesterday I got this new scarf. The thing is, I have no idea how to wear it. They tell me the idea is that I fold it at the corners 2 or 3 times so it looks like a triangle... But then what? I mean, I could wrap it around my neck but it looks so odd. But maybe that's not such a bad thing. A wise man once said, "If everbody looked the same, we'd get tired of looking at each other."

You can already imagine the reprocussions. I wont go into too much detail but basically we would all stop having sex and making ~~humanlings~~ babies. Then of course it would be the end of man kind.

So in that sense, I really do have to work out how to wear this scarf. Your lives depend on me.

The List Excels!

2006-05-02T09:24:00.000Z

The List is getting harder.

I mean, I already did a lot of the easy ones. You can do them over the phone or on occasion, on MSN. For example, Sorry for that time I didn't buy you a drink. That's easy. Just say sorry and offer to buy them some drinks.

However, I have actually got to move on to harder things. Things that will force me to utilise some emotions. That is, after all, one of the main points of the project. So today's is going to be tough.

Today - Rosanna. Meet her an explain everything. Try to meet Star and apologise for getting her involved, buy her some ice tea.

My Name Is Adam

2006-05-01T22:54:00.000Z

Kinda like My Name Is Earl but better. Earl was trying to correct his karma for his own benefit. I, on the other hand, don't believe in that crap and I'm doing it for the people who I have negatively effected by me!

Yes, A list! A list is needed. It took a list for me to realise that I needed to make a list but that's a whole different story. A list of stuff that needs to be resolved in my life.

This list isn't exactly physical, but it's still very important. You see, I am naturally very bad with emotions and stuff. I was aware of it and of the possibility that it could be a psychological condition. But I never really thought of it as a problem. It got up to the point where someone looked into my eyes and said "my god, do you even have any feelings in there?"

I said "no" but I was just being melodramatic.

I decided that I can't really use it as an excuse anymore. I mean, just because it doesn't/can't effect me it doesn't mean that it doesn't effect others. I can't believed that I managed to be so selfish for so long but I guess I kinda just wallowed in it. Not in a self-pitying sense. No, it was more like I was oblivious.

So I have to resolve things. Or rather, I want to. Then maybe I'll start helping people resolve their problems! It can be like a project...

The Resolution Revolution

Tideland

2006-04-30T19:02:00.000Z

Recently I have made a sickening amount of mistakes. Bad choices. I have done the most stupid and careless and selfish things to date.

I have, in fact, messed everything up.

I have never really known what I'm doing but precious hindsight has always made it clear that I've done the wrong thing after I've done. Naturally, this is too late and I can't put it back to how it was before. This sounds so melodramatic! Yes, in fact it is melodramatic. But it's all true, so it's okay.

How on earth did Sinatra have too few regrets to mention? Maybe he was generally smarter than me.

How can you write 31 points about how I was so wrong? That's easy, it's because you're damn right.

Oh Blogspot, of all the places I could write something like this, why did I choose here?

Okay Adam, the solution is easy. Sort it out. You can see the damage you've done. Sort it out!

Okay, that will do.

The Scene Was A Blessing But It Was Killed By Jesus (OMG nt relly!!)

2006-04-17T18:57:00.000Z

This is mainly about the youth phenomenon known as the scene. If you don't know what i'm talking about then it will all be lost on you. I mean, i'll do a Google image search but if nothing turns up that accurately illustrates it then you're on your own. Let's see...

No, I got nothing.

But anyway, a lot of people seem to have a serious problem with the hive minded group dynamic of these andogenous wonders who wear their problems on their sleevs like fashion. I don't. One reason is because gangs are a good idea in England. Okay actually that's not true. But groups like the scene are neccessary because of the rise of thugs, chavs, crazies and bastards. Y'know, it's simple self defence. And anyway, everyone grows out of it. I've yet to meet an adult scene kid. It kinda defeats the purpose of being a scene KID, right? It's a good way for kids of that scene persuasion to meet people of their own kind and fall in love and have sex and have scene babies and all of that. And also, they're pretty funny to look at. Eventually, every scene kid will realise that the group they belong to is pretentious and shallow and then they will move on but the experience was very important.

And that's all, I just wanted to say it. I think the scene is important.

While I'm on the subject of youth culture, let's talk about myspace. I deleted mine after I realised what a bad idea it was. I'm showing people what I look like, where I live, who my friends are, what my job is, my social calendar, my birthday. Just all personal stuff. To be completely honest, I didn't actually put anything personal on there... but there were some things. And anyone could access them. I mean, I didn't use it to talk to people. There are better ways to do that.

I was also getting sick of the myspace culture where how many myspace friends you have somehow effects how cool you are. Bare in mind of course that to get a myspace you friend you just need to click one button. I don't know, there was a lot about it that I didn't like.

It's good for music and all that stuff... But as for finding friends? Well, there are better ways to go about it.

Like Real Drama!

2006-04-16T17:05:00.000Z

I fully condone this invasion of privacy.

"Which one!?"

Well since you asked, I will tell you. Sometimes I use file sharing programs. I prefer limewire because as long as you do a quick scan after using it then everything is fine. Anyway, I noticed by accident that someone had accidentally uploaded their conversation log from MSN. So I downloaded it and skimmed over it. How amazing! I wondered if there were more so I wrote the search term "@hotmail.com" and would you believe what came up?

100s of MSN conversation logs from people who for some reason upload all kinds of crap onto limewire! And it's okay to download them, right? I mean if they're stupid enough to not protect themselves while using such a thing then they brought it on themselves! They should teach it in school alongside sex education. How to protect yourself on limewire AND from AIDS!

Anyway, they're really quite good. I just finished an interesting log which spanned one month and catalogued the love life of a teenage american girl and her group of friends. There was also one boy who she talked to a lot and secretly fancied but she didn't tell him.

The only problem is, I wanted a resolution. When I left, she'd had a big argument with Chyvone and I don't know what happens next.

This is far more morally acceptable than reading someones diary.

5am

2006-04-14T03:52:00.000Z

yep, 5am!

Pretty early, right? I mean some people wake up at this hour and I haven't even slept yet. Good job it's Jesus Day tomorrow... I'm really drunk and trying hard to to mess up my spelling ands wear lots. I'm usually so good.

Baby Sis Meg had a party and I drank a lot so that why... um, yeah. That's all really.

Love Almighty

2006-04-10T06:50:00.000Z

Yawn!

Going to London in a bit! And you should all come too. You are all invited to come and see my friend Katie Skilling perform at the Cobdon Club tonight. Or... if your tracking stills are particularly sharp, come and find me sometime during the day and we'll get a lovely drink.

Hey look at this, it's interesting:

No one online. It's not that early... Also, please read Hagakure today just so that you are reminded that I do in fact love Amelie.

Um, what else...

Nothing, that is all.

Oh Fancy Merchandise

2006-04-09T13:26:00.000Z

A lot of people don't like Green Day. They think they're over-rated and slighty arrogant. I frankly don't care, I like them. So I'm going to show off some cool stuff I have.

I love the Jesus Of Suburbia signed gold disk... that's awesome. The one with picks on it is signed notation of Having A Blast, my favourite Green Day song. And then there's signed notation of St. Jimmy which is Green Days coolest song in years.

That is all.

Help

2006-04-07T18:13:00.000Z

The sickness is upon me again.

I can't stop changing my template.

I am addicted.

[edit: with the new layout I updated my links. Please click on Althea, Bentendo, Star and Hagakure!]

The Unleashing

2006-04-07T18:08:00.000Z

Dear Blog Reading Public,

Following certain investigations - the precise nature of which cannot be disclosed at this time - it has has been determined that you are, uniquely, ready to know the truth concerning currently circulating rumours that the notorious blogging entities known as Bentendo, Clexa, Adam Tenex and Teigan have coalesced into a dynamic, uncompromising and, frankly, horrific new force.

I can now reveal to you - and you alone - that these rumours are, despite any desperate hopes you may have harboured to the contrary, entirely correct.

This elite cabal does indeed exist, and it can only be described as "Hagakure 419".

The essential nature of its true work is, of course, entirely confidential. But the fruits of its labour are becoming visible for the first time to certain individuals of truly exceptional insight, verve and fortitude.

You are therefore hereby defied to flirt with the edge of the abyss and ride the razor's edge, to surf the wave of the future and crash, destroyed, on the shores of infinity by confronting the experience for yourself - a process which you, and only you, may initiate by pointing your favoured browser to the url http://hagakure419.blogspot.com. If you dare.

Regards,

Calumny Pointsettia
Enlightenment Division
Hagakure 419

Is This The City Of Angels?

2006-04-07T13:49:00.000Z

Or Demons?

I like my city, it's good. We get on like any other couple would. And like any other couple, sometimes we get on each others nerves.

The way I think of Norwich is like this; one big massive entity. Not just the buildings and roads but the people too. So if I'm in a mood with Norwich then it barely notices but if Norwich is in a mood with me it is SOOOOO petty about it.

Making kids walk in to my left right and center. Sometimes even from behind. I mean really, how can you walk into someone from behind!? When you're like 2 years old you realise that you can't walk through stuff. Oh man...

And another thing. I choose to get the bus. It is a choice of mine because my bus is cheap and quiet and quick. What I want to know if this... why didn't anyone tell me that my entire bus route had been cancelled and replaced with a far crappier one? Really, someone should have just said.

And now I have to get a bus that comes all the way from Fakenham. This means it's actually full by the time I get on! I mean, what's the actual point of that?

Sort it out world, just sort it out.

This Is My City!

2006-04-04T21:58:00.000Z

My City! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Norwich Rock city!

And that is my library! It's called The Forum. And the space in front is called The Millenium Plane. It's all very nice, I like it. I like the way it looks, I like that it's a big open space, I like that people use it to meet up and hang out and I like how there isn't a big bitch of a ferris wheel right in the middle of it.

I will fight this! I will fight it to the death!

Or I could stand by and watch them build it and just complain about it all the time.

Personal Space Bubble.

2006-04-04T13:14:00.000Z

Armed with a plethora of insecurities, we keep each other amused,
"Do you even like me?"
"No."
Armed with an eye for contradictions, She sees completely through me.

Now that, boys and girls, is about as personal as it gets around here these days. Ever since I started telling people, "Hey, I have a website, youn should read it because it makes me seem like a loveable nerd." I have ineveitably been unable to write down personal stuff about other people and also myself.

You see I can't very well write about my thoughts and feelings when it involves me friends and loved ones because they'll read it and think. "He's no nerd, He's just a jerk. I love him less than ever."

But... Y'know, I've learnt to deal with it by writing encrypted nonsense that could be enterpreted over 12 different ways. It a clever defence mechanism because if someone says "Why did you write all that nasty stuff on your blog" I can laugh down upon then in a condesending way and tell them that they just don't understand.

Read between the lines you uneducated FREAK! That's what I'll say.

This whole blog post was all about you. Yes you! If you're reading this then it's about you.

Now I'm No American

2006-04-03T18:46:00.000Z

But i'm proud when I see studants from the states that come up with such gold as this.

Because I am a sucker for the media voice, I am now a supporter of Yale. They think good. Unfortunately, in the real world, I don't have a clue.

Semi Perminant Blindness

2006-04-03T17:33:00.000Z

I could see the kid out of the window. Dressed in nike and fake gold because it makes him look expensive. Armed with chain cutters, he was trying to steal a bike.

I had to ask why he didn't steal the car. There was a really nice Rover right next to it. Crime is crime, right? Jeez, what did he care. I was being padantic but my friend, who's house I was in, agreed with me. "Criminals are criminals, man. When it comes to crime like that, you're either bad or you're good." I didn't even know that people could really think that.

So I asked him what the worst thing he's ever done was. "I don't know... I mean, I stole sweets when I was little. And I've smoked weed. But that's different, that doesn't count. What about you?"

I guess no one answers that question honestly. Why would you tell anyone the worst thing you've ever done? Here's what I didn't tell him.

When I was 15 my brother died. My brother was a constant pain, he picked on me and beat me up. I always told him that I hated him. I didn't though. I stole his ashes several weeks after his death and tried to throw them out to see. The wind blew them back in my eyes and made them sting. Ironic, I thought.

"Fuck off," I told him.

And then I cried for a week.

All in all, somewhere in there, was the worst thing I ever did.

---dislaimer for Star, none of this was true---

Don't You Get Me Started Now! Oh, Don't You Get Me Started Now!

2006-04-02T09:21:00.000Z

Dear Blogger,

Some days I wish I could quit you. Other days I am full of glee and wish to share my thoughts with others. I quickly turn this around by listening to a song that will suck every living particle of happiness from my body and I lose my steadier footing.

It just so happens that my favourite band don't write many songs that make you go "YEAH!" Luckily, I am ataraxic and don't get sad. It's like a happiness forcefield. Atarxia, like the movie script ending of the brain. It fun man, it's fun. It means that everything is okay all the time. We're a rare breed, we'll smile at bumblebees because we think they enjoy their work and they have a loving wife and kids to go home to. We laugh indoors on our own because we stepped on a pin...

Okay, i'm really unclean, I smell of smoke but that because we made a BBQ from furnace coal. I thought you might want to know about that. How else would you have found out? Information travels faster in the modern age.

It's a nice day today, I can list 1000 reasons why you'd want to live here. We're the big scar in the middle of the countryside. A cool scar though. Like something you show off because you got it while wrestling an alligator. Everyone loves each other in my city. It because we spent years blacking out the frictions with alcohol. We still have more pubs than any other city... Or is it the highest concentration of pubs? We used to have a different pub for ever day of the year. Everyone in Norwich is wasted.

I was going to write something good but instead I tried to force a lot of song titles into one blog... I'm giving up now.

They Aren't After My Head

2006-03-28T12:00:00.000Z

Sometimes post secret isn't depressing.

It reminds me of the song Photobooth by Death Cab For Cutie. Download it if you can... Or I can send it to you. It's a good song.

Yes, I'm A Natural Blue

2006-03-27T10:01:00.000Z

Yes!

Say it back with me. Yes! Haha... yeah, that's the new thing. Say yes where you would usually say no. Inspired totally by Danny Wallace, one of the coolest men in the world! Yeah, saying yes all the time makes things really interesting. I'd go deeper in to this but then someone will read it and go "Oh, so you didn't really want to do that? You should have said!" But then you're missing the point! I always want to do things but like.. don't have the confidence to do it. You get me? Yeah, it's all about that. Unless, like, sometimes it's something that I usually can't be bothered to do... and so I do it. Say Yes!

We changed the name of my rock and roll band. (Because Luke said "should we change it" and I said "Yes!") Which is fun because it means I can sit on paint shop pro for hours making cool things so that people can decorate their holy myspace pages. If I had it my way, the scene would live on a computer instead of in the real world and then I can hope for a power cut. But until then, decorative banners and things to put on myspace!

Okay, it's my birthday tomorrow and I haven't made plans. In fact, I keep forgetting. I made plans to meet a friend and then had to cancel because I assume I'm doing something more interesting! I'm probably not though. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to do anything at all.

Oh hey, guess what? My mouse is broken! It broke so I had a look at it. It turns out the little ball inside the mouse does quite reach those little poles on the side. If you don't know what i'm talking about, crack your mouse open now! If you have one of those laser mouse things then just go away. Anyway, that really struck me as weird! How did the mouse ball shrink? That doesn't make sense. But either way, I tossed it. It's gone. And I tried another one.

Mouse number two was fine at first until it started twitching. It went downhill from there. It was spazz out and go all over the screen clicking on whatever it wanted. No joke! That was annoying... So I chucked it. Then tried mouse number 3. Mouse number 3 didn't work at all so I chucked it. Then I remember that there's a laptop downstairs with a mouse on it! Turns out it was USB so I threw it away. Then remembered that it would still work on the laptop so I rescued it.

My hair is getting too long. I can pull it over my eyes but it can't quite reach the tip of my nose. Better get it cut!

Bye.

Cut To Fit

2006-03-21T19:17:00.000Z

Here's a story that I found in the newspaper.

It's an old story. As in, it happened a long time ago... But they only just got all of the evidence. It's a good story. They found some journals of everything that happened by the people that it happened to.

There were these brothers. Nick and Antony Harmer. They lived in 1930s Illinois. This being the time and home of Al Capone and the haunt of such people as John Dillinger and Bonnie and Clyde. Anyway, these two brothers, they weren't into any of that criminal stuff. No, they were chefs.

They owned a restaurant in Illinois, I think it was called Dixie's. It was popular with gangsters because it was right in the city centre, it was quiet and it played jazz and made good Italian food. But Nick and Antony weren't in to any of that criminal stuff. They were just chefs.

Anyway, this one night, a big name came into the restaurant. Not a major criminal, but still a pretty dangerous guy. You wouldn't mess with him, y'know? You wouldn't make fun of him, or be late for a meeting with him... Or get his order wrong.

Oops, but they did! They got his order wrong. This criminal, the big name guy, he left the restaurant nearly straight away. Then he got some of his 'boys' to go and hassle the chefs. By which I mean beat them up, basically. So these thugs burst through the back door or the restaurant and start going crazy on the staff. One of the brothers, Nick, gets a knife and stabs the thugs. They all died.

Okay, so the big name, he's angry. He makes it known that he'll set more people on them when they least expect it. Y'know, like a typical gangster threat. And then the story gets quite strange. Nick, the brother, he says to Antony that they need to prepare. Antony asks him what he means and Nick tells him of his idea.

Nick told Antony that when he murdering the guys in the restaurant, he was having trouble controlling his knife. They jammed, didn't go in and out easily. The knife lost him some time that he really might have needed. He suggested to Antony that they make a new type of knife.

And they did, they developed a knife that would be perfect for stabbing a man. This is where the two brothers didn't exactly see eye to eye. Nick hadn't really been the same since he killed all those guys. Anyway, he wanted to test the knife. Antony didn't want to. He forbade him. The journals say that Nick promised not to test the new knives on people. The journals also say that he did it anyway. He came in to work the next day with ideas to improve the knife.

The improvements were made, and the new knives were given to each member of staff at Dixie's as standard cooking knives. What the brothers didn't expect was that the knives would be such a success as cooking knives. Every member of staff in the restaurant was amazed by how easy they were to use.

Eventually, they were able to market these knives. They got a deal where their knives were sold in 3 shops across the city. These knives that were designed to kill people were now publicly available.

One night, the brothers were attacked again. All the thugs were stabbed to death. The brothers were fine. And the big name criminal, well he wasn't angry. Instead he was impressed. Soon afterward, word had got to him about the knives that the brothers had made.

It was around this time that Nick and Antony were asked to make a second set of knives. Nick revealed that he had tested them on people. He managed to convince Antony that this is reason why they had made so much money from the knives. He persuaded him that the only was to make more money was to make and test a new set of knives in the same way.

And they did! The big name criminal heard about these knives too, he wanted the brothers to work for him. Not just making knives but lots of stuff that could also be a weapon. By this time, the brothers were a household name. Just like George Forman. The temptation of all that money was too much. Besides, they were both criminals now anyway, and rich too.

The brothers continued making and selling products that could be used as weapons for a further 20 years before they were both shot. This was after the public enemy period, of course. But hey, sometimes people get shot. Anyway, the company carried on but obviously the products weren't used to murder people. The company still exists today but we're not allowed to know which one it is because they never ever changed the design of those knives...

True story...

Okay not really, I just made it up.

Baby, That's Why They Call It A Union

2006-03-18T11:13:00.000Z

I'd like to take a minute to talk about seriel killers.

A lot of people are interesting in series killers. Not because they're sick (albeit I am sick) but because they're very fascinating.

One of "favourite" cases, for lack of a better word, was The Chicago Rippers.

May 23, 1981, 28-year-old Linda Sutton was abducted by persons unknown from Elmhurst, a Chicago suburb. Ten days later, her mutilated body -- the left breast missing -- was recovered from a field in Villa Park.

On May 15, 1982, 21-year-old Lorraine Borowski was meant to open her office, like she did every morning. Other employees turned up to find her shoes and other possetions scattered in the doorway. The door was locked. Her body was found 10 months later, the advanced decomposition made it hard to identify a cause of death.

May 29, Shui Mak was reported missing from Hanover Park, in Cook County, her mutilated body recovered at Barrington on September 30. On June 13, prostitute Angel York was picked up by a potential client. She was handcuffed, her breast slashed open before she was dumped on the roadside, alive. Rose Davis, age 30, was in identical condition when police found her corpse in a Chicago alley, on September 8.

Three days later, 42-year-old Carole Pappas, wife of the Chicago Cubs' pitcher, vanished without a trace. That morning, prostitute Beverly Washington, age 20, was found nude and savaged beside a Chicago railroad track. Her left breast had been severed, the right deeply slashed. She was still alive though

What was funny... for lack of a better word... is that the newspapers were calling the murdered Jack The Ripper. Now that's original. It was a few weeks into the investiation before one of the smarter journalists said "Hey, how about The Chicago Ripper?" and everyone was astunded that they didn't think of it first.

Okay, so this prostitute, Beverly Washington, she was alive enough to give a description. Two weeks later police arrested unemployed carpenter Robin Gecht. Robin was a weird guy, once accused of sexually assaulting his own sister. They couldn't prove that he killed anyone so he got bail.

Police found out that Robin shared a motel room with 3 other guys. The motel happened to be right outside where they'd found one of the bodies. Someone goes and gives it away that they might be Satanist and basically... well it was all downhill from there.

The went to the room, 23-year-old Thomas Kokoraleis opened the door. Thomas lived there with his brother Andrew and friend Edward Spreitzer. They were both 23 too. Robin was the youngest, he was 28. Anyway, Thomas was home alone. They asked him a few questions and he stumbled, contradicted himself, earnt himself a trip to the police station.

They put him straight on the polygraph machine, no need to beat around the bush! That's what they say. Well, he cracked under stiff interrogation. He managed to describe the "Satanic chapel" in Gecht's upstairs bedroom, where captive women were tortured with knives and ice picks, gang-raped, and finally sacrificed to Satan by members of a tiny cult including Gecht, the Kokoraleis brothers, and Edward. As described by the prisoner, cultic rituals included severing one or both breasts with a thin wire garrote, each celebrant "taking communion" by eating a piece before the relic was consigned to Gecht's trophy box. At one point, Kokoraleis told detectives, he had counted fifteen breasts inside the box.

I feel sick from writing that. Luckily, that's about the end of the story. They all confessed, all pled guilty. Not that it would have made a difference, they won't be out of jail in their lifetime. They seemed to be proud of it, didn't they?

Well, now you all have a new story to tell. You could pretend that some old man in a bar told you all of this, you can tellsay that he was there. Maybe a police officer or something! That would be cool, for lack of a better word.

Objection Is The Bittersweet Key.

2006-03-17T15:21:00.000Z

Oh man, what if the internet was a country?

What the hell would that be like? Where would it be? Would it be the first metaphorical country...? What city would I live in? Blogger I suppose. Not Blogger city center, somewhere in the suburbs. Maybe if i got a BL8 post code then that would be far enough away.

Who would be the president? Or King? Hopefully not Bill Gates. I don't have anything against him or anything, I'd just rather have a cooler one. I guess our almighty leader would have to be elected. No royal family for the internet. They'd have to be robots, anyway.

Things would be so different. All celebrities are different. I mean, everyone in the outside world, AKA 'non-nerds', they don't know who the star wars kid is. On a side note, I think that poor kid has probably hung himself from embarrassment by now. Or shot himself... Use your imagination.

I'm going to stop talking about that now because it's lost my interest. Instead, I'm going to talk about being marooned.

I've always wanted that! Perhaps in a more social way though. Like Richard was marooned on The Beach, but The Beach was awesome and no one wanted to leave. Sort of like that. I'd probably be like Daffy. I'd find the island and build all the stuff then go crazy and probably kill someone. Not that Daffy ever killed anyone... maybe he did... that's not the point. Actually no, I've changed my mind again. I'd be more like Richard. Yeah... definately. I'd prefer the Fishing Details to like... gardening.

I really wanted to be on Shipwrecked this year. I hate reality TV but I really wanted to be on Shipwrecked. If they run another series, I'm SO in.

Does anyone else think this is really funny? Because I do.

Social Suicide.

2006-03-14T20:38:00.000Z

I Can See Through You! + Crocodiles

2006-03-14T20:15:00.000Z

Everyone was trying to get in my way today. They were actually doing it on purpose. The whole city met this morning, before I got there, and decided to do it.

People were literally walking straight into me.

I think I need a new aggressive walk. The kind of Richard Ashcroft walk in the music video that was really famous. Was that even Richard Ashcroft? I'm pretty sure it's the video to Bitter Sweet Symphony. But that's a bad example anyway because he just walked into people, not many people walked around him. Should I just do that anyway?

I'll knock everyone down. Give them a taste of their own (potential) medicine. Then people will look at me and think "Oh crap, better move! Or I'm cruisin' for a bruisin'!" Ha, or I could be like Boudica and put spikes on my chariot wheels. Not that I have a chariot, but I can compromise. I'll put spikes on my shoes.

Oh, I actually have a hole emerging in the side of my shoe! It's not a proper hole yet... But I could still use it for spikes.

Okay, now that's sorted, what do I write about? I should probably write about the man who was caught with 1,067 baby crocodiles in his car... Which is illegal, by the way. I'm not being funny, but how did he plan to NOT get caught? Baby crocodiles are pretty small, but they're not that small. Here's a picture of one.

As you can see, 100 baby crocodiles in your car would be a bit snug. 1000 would be to close to comfort... Especially with crocodiles. It's not like they're cute and fluffy. I guess in reality, the world is stupid.

Sorry America, didn't mean to pick on you.

Dog

2006-03-11T11:33:00.000Z

Ha, oh my god look! It's Codie! He's sleeping so be quiet. He's not dead. But now I've written that, I'm going to have to check. I mean he didn't bark at the letters this morning. (He doesn't bark at the postman)

Important

2006-03-09T23:00:00.000Z

This film is important.

Buy it, download it, steal it, watch it any way you can.

Idea for a movie.

2006-03-09T20:14:00.000Z

This is El Kylie.

We played the 5 word game to come up with this amazing new idea for a movie.

Adam and Kylie present,
The Elephant Who Cared Too Much.

The elephant decided its nose needed to be used with more than two tusks but this is easier said than done. He had seen other elephants lookin' damn sexy and decided it was time he went to the nose doctors. He wasnt the only one at the doctors that day, for many other elephants had similar concerns about their nose. One by one they emerged with new sparkley noses. Then smiled at the waiting elephants. i don't get it. (because there is nothing to worry about and all they need is a nose upgrade) haha, oh man... i'm lost. don't worry, i've got an idea! THE END! yay!! best one

Italics by Kylie. Bold by me.

You don't have to thank us.

Eleven To Your Seven, They'll Think On Their Own

2006-03-09T11:25:00.000Z

So there's this teacher/lecturer in Denver who got put on leave after one of his lectures. He was encouraging the students to think by comparing George W Bush's State of the Union address to a speech by Adolf Hitler.

And they put him on leave! Oh dear, silly people. There goes freedom of speech... again.

In part of his lecture, we said that Bush's ideas "sound a lot like the things that Adolf Hitler used to say. We're the only ones who are right, everyone else is backwards and our job is to conquer the world and make sure that they all live just like we want them to." Which is sort of true, to an extent. I mean, it's obvious that he wasn't saying that they are the same!

The similarities are undeniable. It doesn't mean that Bush is going to kill everyone and force everyone to join his party... Ha. Um. But that's not what this guy was saying!

What's funnier is that all the parents at the school had seen and approved the syllabus. Obviously, the school had approved it too. There were no problems. I'm not sure who decided at the last minute that it was a really bad idea! Probably some idea. I mean, this guy, the lecturer, it's his job to argue lots of different points of view. He has to do stuff like that so that the students are aware of those points of view.

Argh, some people are stupid.

Usually when you see something dumb in the paper, like when that boy stuck some chewing gum onto a priceless piece of artwork, you can just tell that it happened in the United States.

Now that's not a dig at the USA... It's just an observation. You guys have a lot of very clever people. But you have sooooo many stupid people too. It must get annoying.

We Both Chased, Hanging On A Cigarette.

2006-03-07T11:51:00.000Z

Remote controlled pens.

This is a brilliant idea... This is a brilliant idea.
It works like this, one person writes something from one point and then another pen at another point writes the exact same thing.

Ha, I can hear the cries already! "Adam, You're Crazy!" "No one will invent that!"
Well, tough, someone already has. And I want one!

Went the circus last night... It was alright, not bad, nothing special. Bit empty...

Owed Trips

2006-03-06T18:46:00.000Z

We made a move fairly early in the day. It was cold so we mounted some skates onto the car and slid most of the way there. But soon we had to stop for food.

Rob seemed to remember hiding a sandwich somewhere in the engine for this kind of emergancy...

...Free Air!

Here is a picture of England. This is pretty much what it's all like.

Yeah, and then we arrived in Manchester.

Rob watched the educational videos. But I think he was looking for cartoons.

Luke approves of the extra-corricular activities.

The wonky building thing seems to have spread right across the country

A dragon. This one is real but there were also a lot of statues.

The earthquakes were a constant nuisance!

Luke wonders why the meteor didn't make more of an impact.

Okay this is where I left my camera turned on in my bag so I couldn't take any more photos.

Glamour!

2006-03-02T17:16:00.000Z

I took lots of photos today, and then I picked out the absolute worst of them. This means that they wont show anything interesting or they will be generally rubbish.

Well, here we have my commune. I tried to make the the sky really blue, the bricks really orange and the grass really green. But I messed it up.

This is the The Norwich Underpass public art gallery. It's basically an X shaped walkway underneath a roadabout where you live if you're homeless or crazy. They tried to make it better by making it a public gallery... Unfortunately, people just draw all over it.

St. Stephens street. Yes, the famous Saint Stephen. Made a saint, of course, because of his massive contribution to the um... thingy. As you can see, there is an ugly looking tree and a broken bin. This is not a nice picture of Norwich

This is a building. It is blue. It is also very curvy. I imagine that I was moving while I took the picture and the building is actually straight. Anyway, this is the public multistory greenhouse.

Coffee and pastry thing with Little Sis Meg. Um... Can't really comment on this. There's nothing to say say really. Except she ate all of that thing. And also, my cup has two handles. It's because they don't trust me with the 'Grown Up Cups'

Me and Little Sis Meg in an elevator. This picture is good because my hand is a great big ugly claw. Look at it. That's funny. It's also funny because neither of us pushed a button so the doors opened again and we took the stairs.

I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did. Those were the worst of the bunch. I don't want to big up Norwich too much. Pride is a sin... for some reason.

Baby It's Cold Outside

2006-02-28T17:27:00.000Z

I'm serious, it hasn't been this cold for years!

It's seriously cold.

For serious.

This is what it looks like outside;

For some reason you can't see the snow falling. It doesn't actually look at cold but it is. On my way home, I saw a little highland terrior frozen to the pavement. No sooner had I seen this, a blackbird then fell out of the sky and shattered at my feet!

Okay so obviously that didn't happen... I'm just trying to paint the picture. I keep expecting to see these things. Ha. But yeah, I suppose I could have painted the picture in a more sane way. Here's a screenshot from my firefox weather thing, which I think of as an oracle.

So it says rain when it's so blatently obviously snowing outside... But it says zero degrees too. Good job I have this...!

Yes, I was in a 'picture mood'.

This has been bad for me, It's nice to meet you.

2006-02-27T18:37:00.000Z

That's a Kinison lyric. It's the one the really stuck in my head from when I saw them in London a few years ago. A song called... Actually I don't remember but that was the line. "This has been bad for me, It's nice to meet you. This has been bad for me, Hi I'm your sister!"

Yeah so anyway, I've been trying to get more people back into the blogging game. I like to read the stuff. It's like reading peoples mind only... sort of, voluntary. Likewise, I like to hear stories. Seriously, no one cares what you write about really. Because people will still read it. I write about nothing and get between 30-50 hits a day. That's dumb but I like to say it because I like bragging! Ha! HA HA HA!

Hey, Lots of people said "Hi" to me today and I didn't recognise any of them. Not one of them. I think it has to do with my broken brain.

Yes, my brain is broken. I think it's because I've been drinking too much. Rob has a giant collection of empty beer cans lying in his kitchin. That's Cinema Rob for everyone who might remember. He was the guy who bought me that giant dinosaur? There's a photo of it if you scroll down to the beginning of January.

But yeah... broken brain... I keep missing out words and my memory is just really bad. I can't remember a thing!

What was I going to say...?

Death Cab, Death Cab, Death Cab.

2006-02-25T18:32:00.000Z

I am seeing Death Cab For Cutie on Friday! How good is that? Well good, that's how good.

We have to drive from here to Manchester though. This isn't very far. I might even draw a picture to show the distance because I like doing that. Hey when I'm in Manchester maybe I can go and visit my good friend Lee Webb. He's not allowed to comment on my blog anymore so he might appreciate the chance to chat.

But I think I might be busy.

I drew my map! Well, I didn't really... I just took a screenshot from Multimap and then drew a red line across it. I don't really have that much time to draw a map... I was going to do one a couple of years ago and kind of got half way through. But putting hat on here would not help at all. I don't even know if that's the route we're going to take. It seems unlikely...

Anyway, here is the picture. I'll show you a few things on it. There on the far right in Norwich. As you can see, there's not much around it. We're big on farming. Or at least on the north side. Underneath, there's a good few cities. You might have heard of London.

That big road that goes from the top of the page right to the bottom is the A1... that's a pretty important road. Oh, on the far left, past the dotted lines, that's Wales. Their national animal is a DRAGON! Cool, huh? At the top you can see the original York, before the New one came along. Our one is smaller.

I'm sorry if you're British and reading this, most of my visitors aren't. But hey, I shouldn't assume that you know this stuff. You could be really stupid.

Oh yeah, new design! After a big surge of comments on the trial blog, I decided to just put it here anyway. You'e right, the banner is too blurry. But hey, it's my blog, not yours. There's so much space too. This will encourage me to write more because I could write like, 3 lines on my last one and it would take up the whole page.

Also, I forgot to draw a footer for it so it doesn't actually have a graphical full stop, it's just like my blog falls off the edge of your screen. Which in hindsight, is cool, as long as I say that I did it on purpose...

Hey... So...

2006-02-24T18:32:00.000Z

It's my birthday soon,

buy me this?

The Only Difference Between Starfish and Batman is the weather

2006-02-24T13:41:00.000Z

New blog design,

here

Named 'this has been bad for me'. When you go on it and leave me comments, I will decide whether or not to transfer it onto this one.

It's my first attempt, I drew and coded it all in like an hour but now I'm bragging.

I was inpired by Bran because she's like... good, yo.

That's Not Your Twin, It's Just A Mirror

2006-02-20T01:35:00.000Z

Oh man... I just realised that in the past week I have talked about Neurocam twice after not having talked about it for months and months! The first one wasn't even interesting but the second one was. It's the one just below this one; my third Neurocam post in a week. This one is less interesting than the other two!

Ahhh! Stop!

Okay, here's some news for you. I've got bird-flu. Or I would, if I were a bird! Because apparently England has it now... Or I think that's right. For some reason, whenever bird flu is mentioned on TV or something, I just switch off. Not literally, that's wwaayy to much effort, but I sort of just go,
"Well... It's just birds."

But I'll regret saying that when the streets are lined with starlings and pidgeons with cups of lemsip.

I hear that France or some other country (ha, how general of me) started culling all their birds. Which is sort of, weird... I don't know why, because we did it with cows not long back. That was strange but I didn't really think of it at the time. Big mountains of burning cows! The French totally ripped it out of us for the cow thing. Deos that mean I can diss their bird culling?

I better not, our two countries already hate each other. Despite what the newspapers say... Oh wait, no, our newspapers hate France too. I don't though. But as a nation, I feel that France hates me.

Anyway, as previously stated, it is late and I am going to sleep now.

That's Just A Mirror, Not Your Twin

2006-02-20T00:58:00.000Z

My reflection upon the descent but not the demise of Neurocam, found here. In the comments section.

It's not a dig at firechild_uk, or Teigan or Another Operative or anyone actually! Y'know... Everyone has their own opinion of The Cam. You've all made up your minds anyway so it's not really about that. I was just thinking about it... so I wrote it down.

I don't like the idea of a new "I hate Neurocam" bandwagon, onto which a lot of people would mindlessly jump. So I hope one doesn't come about. If it does, I'll knick its wheels! Some guys don't like Neurocam for a reason, other people don't like Neurocam because of someone elses reason. This, as you might know, is silly.

Woah... late.
Night.

The informers never looked back and never backed down. There's a reason why they never wore black.

2006-02-17T19:05:00.000Z

I'm getting used to using my own computer again. I'm happy with the screen resolution which is specifically massive so everything looks nice and neat and micro. Firefox is something I have missed too... well, it was really just my weather bar in the top right corner.

Right now, it is acurately telling my that it is night time.

Oh man... I cut my finger when I was drunk, right? And now it just will not heal! That's dumb. So dumb I could laugh, but I won't.

Hey, do you want to know something funny about my shampoo? Ha, it's funny. It says 2 in 1, shampoo and shampoo! Ha, I bet they kicked themselves when they noticed that! I would! Unless they got it write and really the joke is on me. Maybe the people from Dove Cosmetics are sitting in a big room going "Haha! He bought shampoo with shampoo in it! Joke's on you, Tenex!"

Oh man, I hope not... Otherwise... Well, you don't want to know what I'd do... but if you do want to know... I'd kill them!

Earlier today, I carried out a little experiment. I was reading She Wonders by Nada Awad and stole the phrase,
" no one leaves magic mountain!!!"
I shot it at my friends, via MSN to see how they would react.

I got the following result:

"thats because of the strength of the magic on it"
"I can."
"why would anyone WANT to leave magic mountian though?"
"who tried to?"
"um okay, i'm staying put then"
"what about mr meanie pants/?"
"oh really?" and finally
"damn straight"

That's in chronological order. As you can see, there is no correlation of any kind.

Sleep Streaking

2006-02-14T16:01:00.000Z

I keep having dreams that I'm naked.

Also, Happy Valentines Day, Christmas*.

[*name of my girlfriend, if you're confused]

Oh man! Oh Man!

2006-02-14T15:15:00.000Z

I haven't written for a while. You might think that this is because I have nothing to write about but it isn't. It's actually because I can't choose what to write about.

Isn't that terrible?

And now, here I am with writers block.

I'll write all of the possiblilites eventually. There was one about a script that I wrote while sleeping. Another was about my belt buckle. Another was about shampoo. Another was about high school art lessons. All fascinating! But now you're probably going to hear something... like...

I was... oh crap, I just answered the phone and forgot what I was about to say. This is pretty much impossible.

Okay, here's the new idea. I'm not going to tell you ANYTHING! You're going to tell me something instead. If possible, In the style of me.

Comment NOW!

DRuGS

2006-02-09T20:56:00.000Z

So the screen flickers on, and you're looking at something that looks like a home movie.

"I'll do it, I fuckin' swear, I'll jump."

There's a kid standing on the edge of a very dirty and very high building.
"I'll jump man... I'll jump"
He says, but there's something about the way he says it. Unrealistic, theatrical.

Closer to the camera we hear breathed laughter and excited giggles. All male voices.
"Sssh, just watch. Look they've noticed him."
Says a voice next to the camera. He is refering to a group of people that are gathered in front of a building, which we can now see on camera as it zooms out to show the entire building and the street below. The crowd leave a semi-circle in front of the building where no on will stand for this is where the boy will die if he falls. None of them want to be in the way.

The camera moves closer to the crowd and pushes its way to the front. Zooming in on the boy on the roof, we can see him laughing. Holding a hand over his eyes as if the attention below has embarrassed him. You can see his lips counting silently.
"one... two... three... wait, wait."
He takes a deep breath.
"one... two... ... ... three"

And he falls.

And the crowd scream and the semi-circle gets larger and the voices next to the camera are laughing and the boy land on his front and everything is quiet except for,
"Ha, Oh my god..."

The fallen boy slowly gets up. He is unbruised and entertained. He bows to the camera and runs. The camera follows and on of the boys says.
"Haha, dude... Mark is going to fuckin' flip when he sees this."

And then the tapes stops.

It's really a very strange tape.

Dead Dead Dead

2006-02-08T19:09:00.000Z

And buried.

That's what I say to it, if you're interested. Neurocam is dead. Or it is dying and will be dead soon.

But that was pretty fun though, right?

EDIT: I must mention though, that Neurocam is a zombie and will come back to life and eat your brains. (Metaphorically, of course.) So in a sense, it will not be dead and buried forever. I should have used another metaphore really.

Loose Lips Sink Ships!

2006-02-07T11:11:00.001Z

The best part of "Believe" is the "Lie".

------------------------------------------
So anyway. I hear we've got oil problems again... No, it's true.

Hey, do you want to see my favourite headline from today? It's in the science section:
Artist paints worlds no one has ever seen

Ahhh no way! Technology is amazing. In the same section there was this headline:
Scientests find planet bigger than pluto.

I don't know, everything is just funny to me today.

Squid Is Not An Appropriate Colour.

2006-02-05T13:04:00.000Z

From the metaphorical pen of Maxwell Knight:

--------------------
Dear Operative Adam Tenex,

The websites "http://www.fiatnox.com" and "http://www.fiatnox.org" are
NOT legitimate representations of the organization known as "Fiat NOX"
(Which is associated, not affiliated, with Neurocam International).

This hoax was generated by the individuals known as Beltaine and Chris
Titan of the "Snooper & Blabber Agency" which is neither associated or
affiliated with Fiat NOX or Neuorcam International.

We suggest that you ignore correspondence from these domains as it
will not hold any truth in statements regarding Neurocam or Fiat NOX.

Furthermore, we request that you post this e-mail on your personal weblog.

Regards,

Maxwell Knight
Director of Human Resources & Security
Neurocam International
maxwell.knight@neurocam.com
--------------------

First I thought it was a hoax and then I came round to the idea that it was real. And then after a big pile of evidense which I can't post here, it's so blatently obvious that it's a hoax.

Convincing, elaborate and well made as it might be, it's just silly tricks for kids. A hoax. You'll have to take my word for it but I don't usually lie.

BYE!

Hospital Vespers

2006-02-02T10:27:00.000Z

The Doctor played your dosage like a card trick,
Running down the hallways yelling "Yahtzee."
I brought book on Hopper and The Arctic,
And something calling The Politics Of Lonely,
A toothbrush and a quickpick with the plus.
You tried not to roll your sunken eyes
and said "Hey can you help me, I can't reach it."
Pointed at the camera in the ceiling
I climbed up, blocked it so they couldn't see.
I turned to find you out of bed and kneeling.
Before the nurses came took you away.
I stool there on a chair and watched you pray.

If You Can Walk On Water Then We'll Hang.

2006-01-31T16:01:00.000Z

I was recognised today. Someone said "Oh my god, it's Adam Tenex from the internet!"

This is obviously a lie.

But that's okay because it's all part of the narrative of my fictional life where people call me Hamish Of Suburbia and i'm only a myth.

You would be right in thinking that that made no sense. I am writing because I am writing.

Because I am writing, I will write you a story.

Death lives Norwich, somewhere on the Derham road maybe. Or one of the little ones that sort of strays off of it. Helena Road maybe. He is 22 years old and listens to the Von Bonies and Taking Back Sunday although he thinks that both groups are "total fags."

Death works at Norwich Union, he works in the cheques department. He processes details. He has a desk by the window and fire exit. He likes the girl who works at the desk two infront and one left from him. Her name is Helena and he thinks he can initiate a conversation with her because he lives on Helena road.

Death lives with his sister. She works in the post office which is very near by. In fact, she can run there. And she does. Death's Sister is called Joy and she is very pretty. Joy does not know that her brother is Death. Their Dad does but he is dead. Their Dad wanted his son to be a crop scientist. He didn't have any aspirations for Joy because she only showed interest in being an artist. Death does not like crops or science. He wanted to be a doctor but couldn't overcome the irony.

Death has only been death for one and a half years. He is not The Death. He is merely the Norwich reprisentitive. He has never and will never meet any others Deaths. He is terribly tired for each night last as long as it needs be for Death to write the final chapter of each man or womans life and place this chapter into their hearts as they are sleeping. It is all a very magical and ancient procedure but death enjoys it as he feels that he is in some way, performing surgery.

Of course, the receivers of these fates never wake up. That's part of the magic. And of course, he does not literally open up someones chest while they are sleeping and place a piece of paper into someones heart. That is both ridiculous and distgusting.

It happens much more like this; He gets home from work and makes some food. Then he goes up into his bedroom where we will find a set of books which were not there when he woke in the morning. They were delivered while he was at work, he's never met the death service postman but imagines that he doesn't really want to. Some books are thick and aged, he likes them because he knows that this person has already lived their life and the last chapter can be written with little detail or misfortune. And there are thin books which he obviously does not enjoy finishing. Of course this means that he has to write out a mishap which will in some way or another, prematurely end the life of the books subject.

When these books are written he will probably notice that no time has passed. Still, he doesn't want to waste any. So he puts on his shoes and gets his coat and goes to deliver the books.

He'll enter the house of a man who will die in hospital after a drunk driver hits him the next evening. The door will be unlocked as he enters and no one will hear him. The door is always unlocked, that's part of the magic. The man will be asleep and no one will see him. Death will place the book on the mans chest and he wont feel it. Then the book will sink into the mans chest as if his chest where made out of a very thick cream. The book will simply be swollowed up. This is a very strange thing to regard but you get used to it. When the book is gone, Death will look in his satchel of books and find another book to deliver.

The next evening, Death is about to begin writing and is looking out of his window. He sees a man get hit by a drunk driver. He will later die in hospital.
"Huh," Death says, and then sits down at his pile of books. Smaller tonight, which is good I suppose. But no way to control the population increase.

Anyway, this is the pretense of my story which will doubtless be written some day. I'm not sure where the conflict will come in... But come on, cut me some slack, I made this up off the top of my head.

Getting More Leaflets (RD2)

2006-01-31T10:50:00.000Z

I haven't written anything for ages!

That's a really cliche start to a blog. Sorry. I wont do it again.

So, that's some blog title, huh? I got it off a letter on my desk from the Department Of Health address "Dear Pharmacist". That's not interesting, I know, but I thought that I would clear up the confusion. In case you were confused... Were you?

Anyway, on to serious business. I have something on my ear that really should be like a spot or something but it isn't. It's like a benign ear lobe tumor. It's well annoying. It's not actually an ear lobe tumor though it's just some swollen skin probably from a bite... but still.

So... I hear we're going to send out a swat team to hunt and kill bigfoot! Did I say that? I meant sciencists are going to find him and study him. This is after loads of bigfoot sightings in Malaysia since late last year. I don't really know... I mean, a lot of people have claimed to see a small group of them sort of just wondering around but they couldn't find any evidense. Appart from this:

...It's a footprint, by the way.

So I think that maybe the whole of Malaysia is trying to cash in on tourism.

Having said that, I bet they'll find one now.

Photobucket

2006-01-26T14:31:00.000Z

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Stop Talking Shit.

2006-01-25T22:26:00.000Z

I've decided that you can all count on me to bring you the dregs of world news.

Panda Porn!

But don't worry, it's for panda's, not people. "Thank god" I hear you say. But yeah, this is true. They showed Panda Porn to panda's to try and get them to breed and it worked. This happened in Bangkok which I thought was appropriate.

I'd show you the picture but the tone of this post is already pretty low... I can slip it to you though. *cough*here*cough*

Okay so that's no secret, It's actually on the CNN article. I haven't added my opinion or any facts to that article so you really would have been better off going there than coming here.

I wrote something on my phone a few days ago so that I wouldn't forget and then I'd get some other peoples opinions on it but I don't remember it... Hang on, I'll go check...
[Pause]
Okay it says "How funny/troublesome would it be if bananas were really sharp and could be used as weapons but were still good for eating?"

Your opinion is valued.

Indie Indie Indie Indie Nonsense Indie

2006-01-24T17:04:00.000Z

I decided to go for a more lateral title than usual.

I need stop watching so many confusing indie films because some of them actually don't make sense. I just watched Primer, which was good, but I lost my way far too easily and started to wonder if the film actually just pretends that it's complex when really it doesn't make any sense at all and leads you to believe that you're not clever enough to understand or... that you haven't been paying attention.

I'm sure if I watched it again I would go "Oh right... yeah, I get it. Do you get it? I get it." But I don't want to now. Yeah okay, I'm actually certain that it made sense but I stopped paying attention. But there are other films... y'know... like... just other films. And they don't make sense.

So I was reading the news earlier. Turns out the domain Sex.com was sold for $12000000 and that's really the only thing that I found interesting all day. If I bought sex.com I wouldn't make it a porn site! No way, I would make it the most accessable visual entity for an international secret organisation! The organisation would be called 'Sex' so that when people talked about it, you wont think they're talking about the secret organisation. You didn't think of that, did you Neurocam!?

I can't imagine Operative Midnight running paranoid out of a cafe, laughing uncontrolably after he overheard someone say "Hey....have you ever heard of something called 'Sex'"?

Actually, I can imagine that because it's quite funny... But that was my lame attempt at an in-joke for the people that read my blog... And I can already tell that you didn't laugh.

Forget it, I'm going to put my head in the oven.

AAAAA!

2006-01-21T23:55:00.000Z

Yeah,

You know what I was thinking? I'm haf-drunk1 HALF!
not full!

So... where's the party at!?
I love everyone who coments on this blog. Inculind.... (t)Eigan. Ryudo¬! Ximon! and some other. They're peoobabnly the best ones. I like a lot of other people but I like others the most. TEX MARTINI! He's good. Buy hm somweting.

Well i was thinking about sicen earleir and how it probyll isnt vergo vbfo anythg8ng. What do you think? I think no.
#
Well... well... whatcan i say?

Fiat NOX stole my friends and traded them for pokemon cards.

I am severely dehydrated

2006-01-21T14:00:00.000Z

Well maybe not severly, but quite. So quite that I think that i'm this close to a urine infection. Maybe I should drink more.

Anway, the lack of fluids has turned me insane. I have lost my mind.

Anyway, I was in the shower this morning [which, by the way, I nearly went in with my jacket on. Seriously, where is my mind?] and I was thinking of Adolf Hilter. I don't usually do this but I did today. Anyway, I was thinking of how they tell kids that he torched himself in a ditch on his honeymoon and I was just thinking "yeah right". It's the first time that it actually occured to me that it's much more likely that him and his wife were assassinted but obviously they can't tell people that.

And to think, I personally was accused of his death. Not the British or American amies. Me! Chris Titan said this once upon a time. Back when he was crazy. Or crazier. Except Hitler was actually Crowley and I killed him. I don't remember exactly.

So microsoft never took my blog offline after I said that they killed my mate [which they did, by the way] but maybe someone will ban me for saying something about Hitler. I can't think what's serious enough though. I'm trying to figure out how I can word this blatent assassination conspiracy so that they'lll take me offline but I can't do it. How about. "Hitler was assassinated and the good guys lied about it."

I'm not complaining that he's dead. I'm not a big fan of Hilter or genocide or anything like that. You could even say that i'm very much against genocide. And i'm not one of those dicks who admires Hitler for being a good leader... I'm a good leader and I tend not to kill minority groups, or groups of any kind for that matter. No one admires me. I didn't kill anyone, GIVE ME A MEDAL!

The following post if about my new invention:

Sitting Out Dances

2006-01-21T13:42:00.000Z

This post is about my new invention. [I bet some of you already knew that]

Anyway, in my lack-of-moisture-induced maddness... Oh man, how do you spell madness? One D? Yeah One D. Sorry about that. Anyway, In my lack-of-moisture-induced madness, I came up with a brilliant new idea!

Okay... So... Hormone Chocolate! Forget the technicalities for now, Imagine if chocolate could produce emotions in you! Wouldn't that be great? I'll get Neurocam's 'Genetic Research And Chocolate' division to sort of help me out.

Anyway, because I've lost my mind this week, I decided to market the seven deadly sins. So you can have Lust Chocolate... maybe Greed Chocolate. Obviously there would be a strict warning on Glutton chocolate [allowed to buy only one at a time]

It's quite a good idea.

Anyway here's the science behind it,

-blog entry corupt, some text missing-

... And that's how it will work! Any questions?

Neurocam Is For Demons

2006-01-20T15:47:00.000Z

Do you think it's unfair that I never comment on anyones blog?

I do. I'm going to start doing it again. I stopped when my PC took the easy was out and decided never to connect to the internet again and so I started using someone elses. But you know what beats blog comments? Letters! I'm in a letter writing mood... oh yes. I always owe Teigan a letter or two. I was reminded of this by his Christmas card arriving yesterday...

But I would love to write you all a letter.

Okay so correct me if I'm wrong but nothing says fun like autopsy! I hope you've corrected me. I hope a lot. There are many things more fun that an autopsy. But channel4 might disagree because they've been running a TV series where live autopsies are used to demonstrate... something. Something that could probably be shown in other way. On a computer maybe. Or a realistic life size dummy. It's like "And here we see the cancer," and he lifts up some lungs "As you can see, the lungs are black." But y'know... I would have believed them if they'd just told me and not shown me. They could have drawn it, like a cartoon! Then the kids could enjoy cancer too.

By the way, would you trustthis man?

More to the point, would you trust him with your dead body? That is Gunther Von Hagens, the most obvious fake name in the world. I mean, he might has well call himself Gunther Von Germany... Gunther Von Deutchland. Whatever.

And he never takes off the hat either! I mean, what has he got under there? Mice? Snacks? Radio instructions telling him where to poke "the sharp flat thing"? I dunno... I suppose it's better than Cosmetic Surgery Live on channel 5.

By the way, none of this has anything to do with Neurocam as the title may have suggested.

It's been ten long years since the devil laid his fiddle at Johnny's feet.

2006-01-17T17:15:00.000Z

Man... Old computer games suck.

Except this one. Transport Tycoon. They had the formula! Okay so it's not that old... 1996 or something. 10 long years ago. I didn't do anything today but I found this game and was instantly hooked. I hadn't played it for years... So really I just fell off the wagon.

My neck hurts now because there is no back to this chair... So I suppose it's a stool. But you can't say that there's no back to the stool because that's obvious! Anyway, there's no back to the chair so I can't lean back therefore I hunch. And now my neck hurts.

Can you tell that it's one of those days where you don't know what to blog about?

Yeah!

2006-01-17T12:54:00.000Z

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah!

Delirious Messages On The Information Super Highway

2006-01-14T16:22:00.000Z

Team Sleep

Sort of like progressive hypnotism.

By the way, i'm considering banning a small minority group from my blog, any suggetions?

The Secret Reasoning Of Perservsion And Destruction

2006-01-14T15:22:00.000Z

Why do mannequins have nipples?

Do they think that they would seem unnatural without them? A mannequin has no eyes, ears, sometimes no arms or head, they don't fashion any sort of plastic genitalia although that would be pretty funny. But they gots nipples...

I don't know, I just noticed it the other day.

Now let this be heard, I am in touch with my readers and I know that you all come here to hear my opinions on serious issues. It's fair to say that I usually just write something like "...everybody knows that this is a bad idea!" And that's because i'm old fashioned and I hate everything. But read this...

"LONDON, England -- British scientists are seeking permission to create hybrid embryos by fusing human cells with rabbit eggs ... Although made of rabbit cell material, scientists say the embryos would be controlled by human DNA." Cnn.com, Friday 13th.

I don't know, it just seems like a really bad idea. I mean I know they're scientists and everything so they probably know a lot more than Hollywood but isn't there even the slightest possibility that these rabbits will turn out to be giant, ferrocious, half man, half rabbit, killing machines!

[/dumb jokes]

And even if that doesn't happen, first it's making rabbit/human embryos. But soon someone is going to want to grow them... and that's just going to be weird. I mean, I didn't really read the article properly because then I would have all the facts and therefore can't make a rash judegment so it is possible that they are planning to never do this... But maybe they will.

I sometimes wonder whether some animal testing is just for a laugh... Look at this.

Okay, I didn't even photoshop that. Taiwan have created this. Yes, it's a flourescent green pig. You just know he's going to get picked on by the other pigs. Or something bad will happen to his DNA and he'll explode of something. Story here. Oh and that rabbit story is here, by the way.

Interesting?

Let It Be Heard, It Wasn't A Dream

2006-01-11T10:48:00.000Z

I was kindly asked by Maxwell Knight to publish this e-mail, And who am I to turn down a man who asked so kindly?

This is one response to an e-mail I wrote asking whether or not Nautonier.org was actually real. As it started off being dismissed as a hoax then somehow faught itsway into validity. So if anyone received mail from anyone at nautonier.org, then please feel free to read on, it's good.

Dear Operative Adam Tenex,

One of your enquiries has just made its way to my desk after being bounced around from department to department and eventually falling through the cracks. I am appaled that such failure occured to properly handle an enquiry of this caliber, and I don't yet fully understand why it was not forwarded to me immediately.

Allow me to give the official word on this:

The Nautonier of www.nautonier.org is indeed real and completely authentic. It is a legitimate entity that should not be dismissed as a hoax or anything of the sort. This is, in fact, the real Nautonier that is associated with Neurocam International, and I can confirm that its representatives are in fact individuals with whom Neurocam International constantly communicates.

I hope this clears up any confusion over this matter. Please free to share this information with anyone else who may have any lingering uncertainties.

Warmly,

Harriet Moore
Chief Executive Officer
Neurocam International
harriet.moore@neurocam.com

Well there you go. I know a few of you have read it before but this is just a nice public place for it.

Practical Testing In An Inpractical Enivronment.

2006-01-10T19:09:00.000Z

Do you see that? Do you see that? If I have any new e-mails, a little numbers shows up next to the relevant folder. Now the picture above could mean one of two things. The first would be that I have just cleaned out my hotmail. The second could mean that I don't have any new e-mails, blog comments or even JUNK! I'll let you in on a secretive secret, I haven't cleared out my hotmail. I think if you are reading this sentence then you should write me. For real, I need the attention.

Okay, about this 'testing' that I wrote about in the title up there. I've decided to conduct a little experiment. I read here that Microsoft shut down a Chinese blog because they were writing about "politically sensitive issues." Which, y'know, is a bad idea... They've got the right to say it. If the Chinese guy had accused Microsoft of murder then maybe they should have done it... but he didn't.

So i'm going to... just to see if they take my blog away from me. I hereby declare that Microsoft is directly related to murder of some guy that I once knew. Seriously! He's dead now and it's Microsofts fault.
I think they like... threw... a really sharp... box... at him. Or something. I don't remember the details but he is mos' def' a dead man. All thanks to Microsoft!

In other news, they're witchhunting in Zimbabwe but I know you don't care really. Witches make fine coats and shoes and that's all there is to it. Who cares if it's a blood sport. I want my witch skin bag and matching belt.

Disease Stricken And Socially Accepted As A Craftsman.

2006-01-10T12:14:00.000Z

I'm liking some of the ideas for titles that come into my head.

I'm fanning Editors this morning. But I don't mean that literally. I mean I'm listening to Editors [the band] properly for the first time and I think they're good. I'm a fan, i'm fanning. It's true what they say, Scotland rocks. I'll have to check out Nine Black Alps later because I've been meaning to look into both bands for some time.

I might do it now...

They're quite good. I like them. I fan them to.

From Editors, I recommend 'Blood' and 'Bullets'. From the other lot.. Nine Black Alps... I can't really recommend anything because I just listened to that one song right now. But it was good, it was called 'Unsatisfied'.

Everybody Needs A Hole In The Head Like They Need Me!

2006-01-06T17:04:00.000Z

I just deleted a whole post because I thought it was rubbish. And it was, really rubbish.

Let's start a new one... Let's see. Do I have any new e-mails?

No... None. Y'all should write me something nice. I'll probably reply. I'll see if anyone good and fun is on messenger...

Oh hey, i'm going to buy a really small camera. I'm talking SMALL! Like so small that you could hide it in your mouth or maybe even your shoe. Now that's small. The idea is that i'll carry it everywhere and take photos of most things so that I can get a photo blog going. At the moment, my camera is bigger than my car.

If my camera had wheels it would be great because i'd roll it and then jump up on top and then sort of lean to steer around corners. But it doesn't... this may be something to invest in.

I'm going to pick on someone who has a really funny msn name... i need to find one though. Actually, i've changed my mind, that no longer seems fun... I've started picking on her now though... I suppose I should wrap it up. I'll tell her I thought she was someone else. She won't reply now... Never mind, her name is Kayleigh but she spells it Kaylee, what does that tell you!?

This isn't entertaining, i'm sure. Usually when I have nothing to write about, I mock the news as if I know better... But there's nothing good... Everything is too serious. Except that some guy found that M30402457 is the biggest prime number. I bet it isn't...I bet you anything that M30402497 is. Seriously! I bet, right now, 10 pounds that my number is the biggest prime number YET!

This was probably a waste of 10 minutes. I could have been helping charity instead of writing. But I could say the same about all of you... I feel bad now... I better comfort eat to get over it.

I've got an idea!

2006-01-05T19:46:00.000Z

I almost wrote "i've got and udder..."

For real, how silly would that be? Pretty silly if you ask me. And you are asking me, i can hear you from here! If I get really close to my moniter I can head you.

Anyway, here's my idea. Come and live in my house. It's good here, you can all sleep on the floor next to the oven. I'll turn it on so you don't get cold.

Clover had been acting very strangly lately, I think it has something to do with the upcoming lunar eclipse.

There isn't really going to be a lunar eclipse. But I made you think there would be, didn't I?

This is what I write when I can pick one thing to write about. I'll ask someone what to write. I'll ask Kylie. "What should I write about? I need a focus!"

She replies: "wow im going to start my blogspot journey from here on."

Which reminds me, I really want to start writing on someone elses blog. By which I mean, I really want to share a blog with someone... I can't think who, or why, or for what purpose but it'll be great! I can leave messages like put the kettle on and it would work if they lived in my house. (Which of course, everybody will!)

It has been suggested that I write about Care Bears and Power Rangers. Okay then, I will! If the two formidable groups swapped roles, would they survive?

This is rubbish, i'm going to stop writing.

You'd Always Kiss My.

2005-12-30T11:17:00.000Z

Okay... I better start up the blogging thing again. How about a nice photo blog for you? I have a few photos. And when I say that, I mean that I took them just now so that I could do a photo blog.

Well this is the weather right now:

It's pretty white, huh? Well that's the snow that we were going to get two weeks ago just before everyone said that we on the east coast aren't going to get any. The houses are the same colour as the roads which are the same colour as the sky. It's a wonder how we don't get them all mixed up. This isn't my area, by the way. Or maybe it is and i'm bluffing. Actually, I live in the green bin on the left.
[edit: ...i mean right]

Well, for this new weather I decided on a different hair style:

That's cool right? I mean, it's a good hair style. Better than yours. Don't pretend that yours is better because i've seen all of you guys' hairstyles... And no comments about my robotic face either... my mother was a toaster, okay?

So anyway, the keyboard got jealous of my hair and started wearing this silly hat:

I'm not sure why. He's covering all the wicked low notes... That's an odd picture. Lets move along to this picture of a photo frame that Luke got for me. He managed to squeeze both his and Rob's face into the space provided:

And incase any of you aren't cetain, that is in fact a Hooker shaped frame with the words 'Sex Godess' written on it. Note the melted faces as well. It's a serious condition, or so i'm told. Oh well, at least it's small. Which is something I can't say for Rob's gift to me:

No, i'm not holding a picture of a dinosaur up to the lens. This dinosaur is on the floor and i'm a few steps up the stairs. It's big. A big dinosaur. Vengefully stolen from the cinema! The cinema where he works.

The snow has gotten worse... I better go out in it.

Bye!